


In my heart there's a smoldering fire (and it's you)

by Gloredhel



Category: Rise (TV 2018)
Genre: Affairs, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys Kissing, Broadway References, Extramarital Affairs, Feelings, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Infidelity, Kissing, M/M, Mild Language, Multi, New York City, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Other Fandoms Not Mentioned in Tags, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Post-Season/Series, Romance, Secret Relationship, Unplanned Pregnancy, Wedding Fluff, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-09-07 11:37:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 38,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16853305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gloredhel/pseuds/Gloredhel
Summary: New York City. Simon Saunders and Jeremy Travers moved here right after their BA in theatre, a young couple in love ready to live their dream. Everything seemed perfect; but now, at 26, Jeremy is in a new relationship and is doing his first Broadway musical, while Simon is getting married with another man. They haven't spoken to each other since they broke up three years ago, but what happens when a casual meeting revives the smoldering fire and brings everything into question? Is it really over?





	1. It was just like a movie, it was just like a song

“So, uhm...now you know what I've been doing lately, uhm...I mean it's not like I suddenly became rich, this suite was a... a gift for a couple of days, you know...” Simon stopped with a little laugh, embarrassed. Sat on one of the couches of the Empire Hotel Corner suite, he was doing his best to be cool (or at least he was pretending to be), but he wasn't sure it was going well. His hands were sweaty and he kept drying them over his pants.

  
“Yeah, I know. You’re getting married tomorrow.” Jeremy's deadpan tone was the worst thing for Simon. He was making him feel like an idiot, which was probably true.

  
“How's Waitress going? It must be thrilling to be on Broadway and —”

  
“What am I here for, Simon?” Jeremy crossed his arms and looked out of the window, annoyed. He was getting tired of this pointless small-talk.

  
“I told you, it’s because it’s been a while since we met and I wanted to catch up”

  
He stood up from the couch. “Yeah. Sure. Listen, I've already lost enough time and I'm kinda busy, you know, so...”. His tone was curt and brittle, but the truth was that another minute in that hotel suite and he was going to explode. He should have known that meeting him wouldn't have been easy, not even after three years. Hadn’t he understood it already when he had casually bumped into him the day before, on the Brooklyn Bridge?

  
Simon sighed. What the hell was he thinking? How could he have thought that inviting Jeremy was a good idea? They weren't friends. They weren't boyfriends. They were nothing and this hurt Simon more than he had expected. “I get it, I... I know you're in a Broadway show right now and...I'm sorry, I shouldn't have...”, he looked away and ran a hand through his hair, nervously. “I…”

  
“Goodbye, Simon. And congratulations,” Jeremy said drily and turned around, heading towards the door.

  
“Jeremy, wait. Please.” Simon sounded quite desperate. Jeremy stopped, but he didn't turn back nor looked at him.

  
“There's nothing else to say, Simon. There never was, actually, and I really don't know why I accepted to come here.”

  
“'C’mon Jer, I-”

  
“Don't call me Jer.”

  
“Ok, fine. Jeremy, I... why do this have to be so difficult, we...” he sighed, “we were friends, once.” His voice was only a little more than a whisper, but the silence in the room was so deep that Jeremy would have heard him no matter what. “Please, can you at least look at me?” he said spreading his arms, frustrated.

  
Jeremy slowly turned around, chin up and tight lips. He looked at Simon, trying to ignore how handsome he looked with his messy hair and that three-days beard. Yes, even if it seemed like he hadn't slept for days. “Yeah. We were friends. Actually, we were more than that, remember? Until you realized that New York wasn't Stanton and who knows how many gorgeous men there were just ready to be found.”

  
“You're unfair, now.”

  
“Oh, I am unfair!” Jeremy said sourly. “What did you say? Something like: 'I'm twenty-two, I can't settle down already'”, he mocked him with an arrogant tone. “I wasn't enough for you.” His voice trembled a little, but he had sworn to himself that Simon would have never saw him crying again; he shrugged and looked away.

  
Simon was staring at him; he had slowly come closer to him and now they were just a couple of feet from each other. Yes, he remembered saying those things to him, but back then he was only a dumb boy, blinded by the New York lights and the infinite chances he saw ahead of him. He had been a jerk and it had taken him years to realize it.

  
“I never thought you weren't enough for me, it's just – “

  
“I'll ask you again: why am I here? In the fucking suite at the Empire hotel where you're going to take your husband tomorrow?” Jeremy was now shouting with frustration, anger and pain. His hands were trembling, he had to put them in his back pockets to not let Simon see them.

  
“Jeremy I...”, Simon stopped, lowering his eyes. He didn't know what to say, the whole thing was absurd and wrong, but he didn't know how to make it right. How to fix it, how to fix them. There was nothing he could do, he felt horrible because he could feel Jeremy's suffering – it was the same as his. How stupid he had been to think that since years had passed everything was fine. “I just...I missed you. I... I still do and I know you hate me but I hoped we could at least be friends.”

  
“You left me three years ago and in all this time you've never – never - called me. Not even sent me a text besides ridiculous Christmas wishes. When I was cast in my first Broadway show, all you did was liking a photo on Instagram,” Jeremy laughed, bitter. “So you missed me, uh? And you realized this the day before your wedding? Does John know that I'm here, alone, with you?”

  
“How do you know his name?”

  
“It doesn't matter” Jeremy avoided the question, shifty-eyed and blushing. He would have never admitted he had stalked John's Instagram profile since Michael had told him that he was Simon's new boyfriend-turned-fiancé.

  
“No, he doesn't know, though.” Simon blushed. Nothing bad had happened, yet he couldn't help but feeling guilty and he didn't know why. He did, actually, but he didn't have the courage to admit it to himself. “I wanted to see you, to talk to you.”

  
“Well, now you did. Congratulations again, Simon. I have to go.”

  
“No, please...” Simon grabbed Jeremy's arm. They were inches apart, now. The other boy froze, but his heart was beating like a drum and he hoped Simon couldn't hear it. He couldn't imagine – or maybe he could – that Simon's heart was racing even faster.

  
“Don't touch me.”

  
“Why?”

  
“You know why.” This conversation had happened already lots of years before and they both remembered that. But Simon didn't let him go, this time.

  
“You shouldn't have invited me here.”

  
“I know.”

  
“You shouldn't...look at me like this,” Jeremy gulped. Simon was getting closer and closer and it was so hard to avoid looking at his lips.

  
“I know.” Jeremy could feel the other boy's breath. Simon was holding his hands now, with that smirk that Jeremy, unfortunately, remembered well and that used to make him go insane.

  
Simon knew it. When he had asked Jeremy to come over, he had really tried to convince himself that he just wanted to talk, but the truth was that he longed for him, for the entirety of him, and not just for sex. He wanted to look at him again in the eyes, see his smile and hear his laugh. He needed it, in every fiber of his body and soul. He shouldn't have – and he really had believed that he was over him, now - but he couldn't help it. He closed the gap between them and touched Jeremy's lips lightly, but he backed away. He didn't even know how he had found the strength to do that.

  
“Simon, no. No, we can't, it's...wrong and... unfair and...no, no, no...” he bit his lower lip, hating the fact that Simon still had so much power over him, despite the years. Then he turned to grab his backpack from the coffee table and headed for the exit. He moved fast, before Simon could grab his arm again and the worst could happen.

  
Simon opened his mouth to speak, but Jeremy was already gone, slamming the door. He was alone now in that huge suite he had never wanted, but that was a gift from his future in-laws. John had gotten so excited, Simon hated it. He sat on the couch, eyes wide and staring into space. What a mess he was. This wedding, his whole life, it was all wrong, but he didn’t know how to stop this, it was too late and, anyways, there was no way to fix it. The phone in his pocket beeped, reminding him that he still had to go pick up his suit. He forced himself to stand up and then he heard a knock on the door; he had no idea who it might have been, since no one knew he was going to be there and he surely hadn't ordered room service.

  
He opened the door and, in the split of a second, he felt Jeremy's hands cupping his face and the boy kissing him furiously, with burning passion, like a thirst that couldn't be satisfied. He felt Jeremy pushing him back into the room and closing the door with his foot; the world stopped around them and Simon gave in to the moment. Jeremy picked him up and took him to the bedroom. Since he had opened the door, they had never stopped kissing and only after Jeremy had laid him down on the bed that they parted for a second, looking at each other.

  
“Jer...”

  
“Shh, don't talk.” Can you yearn for someone and say it in a whisper? Because that's what Simon felt when Jeremy breathed those few words looking for his lips, eyes closed and eyelashes gently touching his face. Simon started kissing him again and they both knew that was the point of no return. There was no going back.

 

* * *

  
“Where's my shoe? Where the fuck is my shoe?” Jeremy was walking around the room, nervous, looking everywhere. He was dressing himself again and it seemed that his own life depended on that shoe – and it probably did, somehow.

  
“Have you looked under the bed?” Simon suggested. Still half naked and sat on the unmade bed he was looking at Jeremy, arms wrapped around his knees. He felt good and bad at the same time; it was like his soul was aching even though he couldn't say if it was because of the sense of guilt or something else. Jeremy didn't look at him but followed his advice and found what he was looking for, then he sat down by Simon's side and leaned over to tie both shoes. He was ready to go, but still couldn't move.

  
“What's wrong?” Simon tried to say. He wanted to touch him, but he was afraid that wasn't what Jeremy wanted.

  
“Everything. This was wrong and I... I shouldn't have come back in. It was a mistake.” He was keeping his eyes low, unable to look at Simon. “We're both adults now and I wasn't even able to keep it in my pants”.

  
“But what if...it wasn't just sex, I mean, what if it was...more than that?”, and for Simon it was. “What if...?”

  
“What?”, he turned towards him. “'C’mon Simon, you know there's nothing between us anymore, it's too late. It's too broken. I guess sex is all that we have left...sleazy and... unfaithful sex...I can't believe we'd stoop so low”. Did he really mean that or was he just trying to convince himself? He couldn't say.

  
“No, maybe...this happened for a reason, maybe I can still...”. Jeremy let out a sad chuckle, shaking his head. Simon moved closer to him. “I can stop this wedding, I can cancel it, John...he'll get it, everyone will”.

  
“We both know you won't.”

  
“No, I –”

  
“I know you, Simon. We've been together for seven years, four months and ten days. I know you. However, even if you did, it would be useless.”

  
Knowing that he wasn't the only one remembering the exact time they had been together made Simon's heart jump. “Why?”

  
“Because you're not the only one who has moved on”.

  
This hit Simon like a punch in the gut. Not that he really expected for him to be still single (even though he had checked his Instagram and social accounts and there was nothing about his relationship status), but imagining was thing, knowing it was a different story. He felt a sudden stab of jealousy and pulled himself back a little. A question immediately came up to his mind and even if it would have hurt to hear the answer, perhaps it was what he needed to finally starting to forget him.

  
“Do you love him?”

  
“Her.”

  
“What?”

  
“I'm with a woman now. Her name's Shelly, she's in the ensemble with me and she’s also a Dawn and Jenna understudy”. It was ridiculous, but telling Simon felt like confessing he was cheating on him, as if they were still together and he still owned his heart. The fact that he had moved on with a woman made it even worse, even if Simon knew Jeremy was bi.

  
“And, uhm...do you love her?”

  
Jeremy suddenly stood up, uneasy. Yes, of course I do. I think I finally found my other half. That's what he should have replied - and without feeling ashamed or, worse, a liar.

  
“She's great. She's sweet and beautiful and she sings like an angel.”

  
“That's not what I asked.”

  
“Oh, are you for real?” Jeremy burst out. “You have no right to ask me if I love my girlfriend, mister I-cheated-on-my-fiancé-with-my-ex-the-day-before-my-wedding!” he said pointing his finger at him. His jaw was clenched.

  
“You're right, I'm sorry.” And he was, really. But he couldn't ignore the fact that, after all, he hadn’t said yes and he couldn't help but rejoicing at it.

  
Jeremy sighed, running his hand on his eyes. “Listen, now it's really better for me to go, it's-shit!” he had just looked down at his phone and saw the time. “I have to go to the theatre, I'm almost late”. He collected his backpack from the floor in the living room and then turned towards Simon, who was getting dressed.

  
“Don't call me anymore. Don't text me, just pretend I'm dead, okay?”. He wanted to sound confident, but he couldn't keep eye contact and he felt stupid. Why couldn't he be a man for once?

  
“But – “

  
“I mean it, Simon. This was wrong and it will never happen again. I... I don't want to…see you again”. These last words were the most difficult he had ever spoken. Maybe because that wasn’t what he really wanted?

  
“Goodbye, Simon”. Jeremy opened the door and in walked away, relieved that Simon hadn't seen the tears running through his face.

  
Getting off the elevator in the lobby he almost stumbled against a couple with a kid. They were both elegant, but the thing that forced him to take a second look was that the kid was wearing a purple bowtie that matched his father's. The kid was probably five or six and who the hell dresses a kid like that in the middle of the day? New Yorkers were weird people.

 

* * *

  
“I hate this fucking shirt, it's too tight and these buttons are a nightmare”. Jeremy was in his dressing room, fighting against his Ogie shirt. The whole thing might have looked funny, but he was very serious and it seemed like he was about to tear it up because of frustration.

  
“Honey, you're nervous, it's normal...but don't worry, everything is going to be fine, you're incredible! Let me help you with that,” Shelly said with a laugh. She found him incredibly cute when he was nervous before the show.

  
“Can you not? Please!” Jeremy burst, keeping her from touching him. She backed away, disappointed.

  
“I just wanted to – “

  
“I don't need your help! I just need to be alone, can you give me a break?” He sighed and closed his eyes, gripping the dressing room table. Realizing Shelly was leaving, he opened his eyes and said in a nicer and calmer tone: “Stay. I'm...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.”

  
Shelly had stopped in the doorway. “'C’mon, come here”, he reached for her hand and when he got it, he made her sit on his lap. “I'm sorry, I'm the worst, I'm just nervous.”

  
“I know, don't worry. But you're amazing up there and for your Broadway debut you're not going to be any less,” she smiled, stroking his cheek and leaning in to kiss him. “I love you”.

  
“I love you too.” Or, better, I love Simon, but he immediately pushed back this thought. Simon was none of his business from now on. Shelly didn't deserve this and that's why he had yelled at her; her sweetness was making him feel even worse. She helped him buttoning up his shirt and setting his microphone. The stage manager called for places, he still had some time but she had to go.

  
“Break a leg!”

  
“You too.”

  
She left and his phone beeped.

  
_**Michael Hallowell** (6:52): Heeeey Broadway star! BREAK A LEG TONIGHT! Sasha and I are coming to see you this week for sure!_

  
He smiled. He was still close to the troupe, even though not everyone was in New York and it was often difficult to see each other. But they were still his family and it warmed his heart that they were happy for him. He had posted on his Facebook page that he'd have understudied Ogie the whole week, starting from that night, because the principal was ill (he had managed to do the matinee but he had gone straight home after) and now they were sending him their break-a-legs. He missed them and he really hoped they could all have the chance to come see the show, that week.

  
**Sparkling Harmony** (6:52): Break a leg you gorgeous! I'll do my best to come to see you, I miss you being a dork on stage. xoxo

  
_**Lily Suarez** (6:51): BREAK A LEG JER! From Robbie and your future goddaughter too :))_

  
_**Jolene aka My Spirit Animal** (6:50): don't think I won't come and boo you this week, I don't want you to flatter yourself. I looooooove youuuuuuuu JerBear!_

  
There were other messages like these. He was reading them all and at some point he saw one he would have never imagined. It had arrived before anyone else's:

  
_**Si** (6:45): I know I shouldn't even text you, but Lilette told me about your Broadway debut tonight and I just wanted to say 'break a leg'. You're terrific at this, no one shines on stage the way you do, that's part of the reason why I fell in love with you. Now go out there and do the same with the audience. Being amazing comes natural to you. Love you, Simon._

  
Jeremy turned off the phone and threw it into his backpack as if it burned. It was just a text, but it had brought back to his mind all that had happened that afternoon and even more. He looked at himself in the mirror, took a breath and told himself that Simon was the past. He wouldn't have let him have so much power on him, not anymore. He was stronger, now. He was a grown-up man! With a new life, a new girlfriend, a Broadway job. That afternoon? Just a mistake and he wasn't going to let history repeat itself. There was no room for an ex-boyfriend, he was sure about that. Wasn’t he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our boys are older, but who knows if older means wiser...a wedding is coming: will Simon say yes? Or will he run away? The feelings for each other are still there, but it's not so easy! The songs which inspired this chapter are: _When We Were Young, Adele // Where I Stood, Missy Higgins // Breathe Again, Sara Bareilles_
> 
> This is my first multichapter fanfiction and I really hope you like it! Let me know in the comments what you think! As usual I thank my friend [Cris](https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplebowties/pseuds/purplebowties) who's going to beta reading the whole fic for me ❤️
> 
> PS: if you watched Gossip Girl, I'm sure you recognized that lovely family Jeremy almost stumbles into 😉


	2. The guy you're taking home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's wedding day! Simon is still in love with Jeremy, but who knows if it's enough to win his sense of duty and the fear of disappointing everyone. And Jeremy once again seems to be unable to stay away from him.

It was such a beautiful May afternoon, sunny and quite warm; Simon was in his Empire hotel room (not the suite, yet), getting ready for the ceremony. The light grey suit was on point just as the tie and the cufflinks, which had rubies that matched with the rose of the boutonnière. He was nervous, yes, but a lot of other stuff were mixed with that. People say that being uncertain and scared is normal, but what about the feelings you thought were buried inside your heart that suddenly resurface leaving you more confused than ever?  
  
He sat on the armchair and memories of three years ago began playing inside his mind. He and Jeremy had arrived in New York after their BA in Theatre, happy to live together in the city of their dreams. It had been thrilling at first – they had side jobs and, at the same time, they auditioned for plays and musicals. But it wasn't easy and Simon had slowly begun feeling like he was suffocating. They hadn't a lot of friends and none of the troupe had already moved there like them, so they basically spent all the time together. Jeremy would do his best to cheer him up whenever he was rejected and to find new ways to “discover” the city, but it had been when Simon had finally got casted in an off-Broadway play that something had shifted inside of him. He had finally met new people like him, who had introduced him to the city’s lively lgbt community: it had been so exciting to discover this world that, until then, he had only imagined and was too shy to go looking for. Jeremy had never really looked for that, he was content with his friends – of any sexuality – so Simon never asked him to join him. He had started hanging around more and more without him, until one night Jeremy had confronted him about it and they had gotten into a huge fight.  
  
_“You know what? I'm suffocating! This life, I can't stand it anymore! Look at us, we're 23 and we live like an old couple! I can't settle down already, fuck! There's a whole world outside, Jer, you know that?”_  
  
_“You loved this! What changed?”_  
  
_“Me! I am changed! I –”_  
  
_“Your new friends, they're...they're taking you away from me, they—”_  
  
_“Don't you dare—”_  
  
_“Do you still love me, Si?”_  
  
_“I...I...I don't know.”_  
  
_“Fine. If I'm not good enough for you anymore, then go! Go fuck yourself with your amazing new exciting life, Simon!”_  
  
_“Jer, I—”_  
  
_“Get out of here! Fuck off!”_  
  
He had to collect his stuff and leave. Lilette and Robbie had hosted him for few days until he had found a rented room near the theatre where he was doing the play. Yes, he missed Jeremy, but he had pushed back this pain and immersed himself in his new life as a single man. He really believed (or wanted to) that was what he'd always wanted, when the truth was that he was feeling empty and all the people he'd hang out with or even date were only fillers. He had never spoken to Jeremy since their breakup, but after few months of this “new life” he had realized that he missed him. He had even tried to call him once, only to find out that he had changed his number. It was too late.  
  
When the play had closed, he had auditioned for a regional production of Spring Awakening in New Jersey and got casted as Ernst. How ironic. It was while he was doing this show that he had met John; he was the theatre young lawyer, twenty-eight years-old, tall, green eyes, dark hair. They were rehearsing and he happened to be there, the director had introduced them and that's how it had begun. It hadn’t been love at first sight, it hadn’t struck Simon as it had happened with Jeremy; John had come into his life in tiptoes, he had never forced him in anything, he had patiently waited and one day Simon had realized that his heart was maybe ready to fall in love again. A different kind of love, though, not a roaring, passionate, soulmate-kind-of one, but a quieter feeling that worked like a balm on his wounds. Jeremy was still his first big love, but Simon believed it was over for good and there was no use in dreaming.  
  
John had proposed one day of December, under the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree, and Simon had said yes ignoring the tiny voice inside his head saying that it should have been someone else, because being 'half happy' is never a great idea.  
  
And this had proved to be true two days before, when he had bumped into Jeremy on the Brooklyn Bridge. It was the first time in three years and all his inner peace had fallen apart; they had spoken just for few minutes but it was enough for Simon's heart to start beating again – beating for real. Without even realizing it he had heard himself inviting Jeremy at the Empire Hotel, because he just couldn't let him go again and when he had accepted his heart had flipped like it was their first date; he was his whole happiness. So eventually the voice was right, but it was too late - his stupid sense of duty and the fear of disappointing everyone were still ruining his life (and not only his).  
  
His thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. “Come in,” he said, standing up from the armchair. His mother peered out from the door and said it was time to go. Simon took a rapid look at himself in the mirror just to be sure to put on a happy face. He was ready.

 

* * *

 

“What's wrong, babe?”  
  
“Uh?”  
  
“You didn't even touch your plate.”  
  
Shelly had come to his apartment to have lunch with him, but Jeremy's stomach was in a knot. Probably in that moment Simon was walking down the aisle in that super expensive hotel, ready to say 'I do' to that dandy of a lawyer. The mere idea stabbed him with jealousy and Jeremy hated himself for that. They weren't together anymore and he was the one who, the day before, had told Simon that there was nothing who could bring them back together. And, besides, he knew already about this wedding, why the hell was it bothering him so much, now? Oh, yeah, because what had happened the day before hadn't exactly helped.  
  
“Nothing. It's just, uhm...I forgot I had booked this bar mitzvah gig and I'm already late, so I can't finish lunch with you, I'm sorry.”  
  
Shelly was surprised, because Jeremy never forgot to tell her anything. “Oh, okay. It's cool. Where is it?”

  
“What? Oh...it's in a hotel, the...uhm, I don't remember the name”. He really sucked at lying.  
  
“Then how can you go there?” Shelly laughed.  
  
“They'll text me the address—Oh! Here it is!” His phone had bleeped in that moment and for the first time ever Jeremy thanked all those annoying ads phone companies used to send to people. Perfect timing. It was a crazy idea, he knew it, and to be fair he didn't even know what he wanted to do exactly (talk to him? Stop him? Punch that dandy?), but he had to go there. Sitting peacefully at home was impossible.

 

* * *

  
  
The guests had started to murmur. Simon was standing in front of John – who had already pronounced his vows – and it was his turn to speak, but he was keeping his eyes fixed on the piece of paper in his hand, unable to read a word. He felt John squeezing his arm encouragingly and looked up at him. He was so in love and Simon hated himself for not loving him the way he deserved, but he couldn't break his heart in front of all these people.  
  
So he took a deep breath, smiled and started reading: “John, today it's just a confirmation of what our hearts already know: that we're one heart and soul. I promise you I'm going to love you forever, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health and I can't wait to start this new life together, because you complete me in a way I had never imagined. You're my best friend and I'll love you forever.”  
  
He smiled and saw that John was almost crying. It had taken him a whole night to write those few lines and they were horrible, so ordinary. But John was a sensitive man and loved him more than he did...Simon promised to himself that he would have tried to make him happy, even though his heart belonged to another guy. This meant avoiding Jeremy at all costs. He prayed he'd have the nerve to do it. John's little nephew brought the rings and they exchanged them. Then the minister took the word: “It's a great pleasure for me to declare you married by law. And now you may kiss."

 

John cupped Simon's face and kissed him sweetly, then looked at him with a huge smile. Simon smiled too, but not so widely. John didn't notice, though, and and after the minister introduced them as a married couple and the best men signed the certificate of marriage, he took him arm in arm so they could walk down the aisle together, surrounded by all their guests, who were smiling and clapping hands. Simon kept smiling at everyone, hoping to find the strength to arrive at the end of the day. He had to do it for John.

 

 

* * *

 

Here we are, Jeremy thought. The Empire hotel, again. On his way there he had stopped for some “encouragement” drinks, but he had soon lost the count of whiskeys and left the bar only when the waiter had refused to serve him more. And now he was really, really drunk.  
  
He had no idea where the party was and he wasn't feeling much steady either, but he pushed the glass doors open and entered the lobby; he bumped into some tourists (“Get the hell out of my way!”) and almost fell on the floor, then he started asking random people about the party (“Hey, man, can you help me find where my fucking ex is getting married in this place? He's a dick but I want to congratulate”). Of course no one knew anything and eventually he spotted the concierge; slowly he got to his desk and he leaned against it like a life preserver, because the room had started spinning around, and, by doing so, he threw all the flyers and pens on the floor.  
  
“How can I help you, sir?”  
  
Jeremy looked up, confused. “Oh _heeeeey_ , young man,” he smiled, slurring the words. That man must have been at least fifty years-old. “Uhm...I am...uhm...looking for a wedding party. Not mine,” he laughed.  
  
“Do you have an invitation?”  
  
“Inn-what? Oh no, no, no, no,” he said with a crooked smile, reaching for the man's arm. “It's my ex-boyfriend, you know? I just want to say I'm happy for him,” he replied serious, but then couldn't help but bursting into laughter. “Yes, _reallllllly_ happy, yep.” He paused, trying to remember what he wanted to ask. “Can you tell me where he is? This hotel is fucking big and how you can find anything here, it's—”  
  
“I'm sorry, sir, but, if you don’t show me your invitation, I can't give you any information about it.”  
  
“Oh, c’mon man, I swear I ain't gonna do anything bad,” Jeremy had taken both the man's hand, making him very uncomfortable “Scout's honor.” He tried to do some kind of 'vow gesture' but he failed.  
  
“I think you should leave, sir.”

“Wh-what? No I…am...not,” he pointed his finger towards him, shaking his head.  
  
“Sir—”  
  
“I AIN'T LEAVING 'TIL I KNOW WHERE THAT CHEATING ASSHOLE IS,” he shouted to the whole lobby, feeling anger mounting.  
  
Everyone was looking at him, but he didn't notice because he was trying to stand still and, at the same time, looking for a way to climb over the desk and punch the concierge. Meanwhile a couple of security men had approached and were trying to grab his arms. “Hey! Back off! Don't touch me,” he was doing his best to avoid them, but they were way bigger than him and, most of all, sober.  
  
“Is there a problem, Harold?” A deep voice asked behind Jeremy's back.  
  
“Oh, no, Mr. Bass. It's just a drunk man, it's going to be solved in a minute.”  
  
“Yeah, because I am callin' my friend Mickey and he's gonna help me since you did not,” Jeremy slurred, looking for his phone. He didn't remember where it was, though. “Hands off!” he told the security guards.  
  
“It's not necessary, I can handle this. Guys.” Mr. Bass said to the guards with a gesture and they left Jeremy.  
  
“Oh, thank you very much” Jeremy ranted. He finally found his phone and managed to call Michael (blessed voice command!). “Mickey heyyyyyy! Listen-no, I am not drunk...I am the hotel and...what hotel? The fucking one when Simon gets married! I...BECAUSE I WANTED TO! Listen, I need you to pick me up because they won't tell me where he is and—PLEASE MICKEY! If you don't, I'll have to find it myself...thank you!” He hang up. “See??? You cannot stop me now,” he told the men who were still keeping a check on him.  
  
Mr. Bass approached him and put a hand on Jeremy's shoulder, smiling a little. Jeremy looked at him and said: “Who are you? Oh heeeey!” He was very good looking and Jeremy had a vague memory of him, but he couldn't focus.  
  
“What's your name?”  
  
“Jeremy,” he slurred  
  
“Listen, Jeremy, I have been there, okay? I've seen the love of my life marrying someone else and it hurt, I get you. Now you want to go up there and do what? It's not going to help. You have to let go.”  
  
“I want to make him unhappy like I am now.”  
  
“And then? If it's meant to be, he'll come back to you; now let him go and have fun in his face. There's nothing like a drunk night to forget your bad stuff. Come on, let me buy you a drink.” Mr. Bass clearly knew that Jeremy had gotten too many drinks already, but he needed to distract him and make him give up on his project. He didn't know why he cared, maybe it was because he reminded him of his best friend.  
  
“Ohhhh, that's what a gentleman does!” Jeremy immediately rejoiced.  
  
They had just started heading towards the lobby bar, when a familiar voice uttered: “Oh, there you are!”. It was Michael.  
  
“Hey Mickey! This gentleman was offering me a drink, you want to join us? A toast to Simon's new life!” he cried out, bubbly. Maybe too much, because he lost his balance and almost fell down.  
  
“No, thanks for the invitation, but I'm bringing you home. NOW. Let's go,” and he grabbed him by his arm. “Thank you for your patience, gents, I'm so sorry,” then he dragged him towards the exit, while Jeremy kept waving at the people who were still looking at him.  
  
When they were outside Michael let him go with a push and he fell down on the sidewalk. “Now you tell me why you're here and what the hell was that,” he said, crossing arms and lifting his eyebrows. “No, I won't help you getting you up.” Jeremy was reaching for his arm, but it was so difficult. After several minutes he made it by himself.  
  
“I just—oh, you look nice,” he said, smoothing Michael's jacket. “Such important occasion needs a suit” he laughed.  
  
“Stop it, okay? So? Why are you here, what did you want to do?”  
  
“I wanted to congratulate the hap-happy couple,” words stumbled out of his mouth.  
  
“Oh, really? And being drunk I guess was part of the plan?”  
  
“Wh-what? I...I am not drunk.”  
  
“Jeremy, please!”  
  
“Okay, maybe...maybe I am a little drunk. BUT. I can talk to Simon. I _totalllly_ can...I—I have to!”  
  
“No, you don't. Especially not today.”  
  
Jeremy was getting angry again. Why did no one understand him? Why was everyone treating him like a capricious child?  
  
“No, especially today,” he stressed, now facing Michael and glancing down at his face. “Because everyone has to know he is a FUCKING CHEATER!” he shouted angrily towards the hotel, as if Simon or the other guests were there to hear him.  
  
“What are you talking about?” Michael tilted his head, narrowed eyes.  
  
Jeremy lowered his voice. “I screwed him yesterday. On the same bed where he's going to screw his husband tonight and I'll tell you it was the best sex I've ever had.” He laughed bitterly and took a few steps away from Michael. There was nothing funny in what had happened.  
  
“You did what?!” Michael couldn't believe his ears. Simon seemed so happy to marry John, they looked like a lovely couple. “You're lying.”  
  
“I wish.” Jeremy felt empty and sad. His life was a mess, he had betrayed his girlfriend with a man who had just married another. He lowered his eyes and tears started falling.  
  
“Jeremy? What are you doing here?”  
  
Suddenly Simon's voice broke the silence. “Lilette told me that you were here threatening to crash the reception and—”  
  
“Oh! Here comes the groom!” Jeremy looked up and with unsteady steps moved closed to him. “Wow, you're handsome as ever in your wedding suit and what a shining ring I see here,” he had taken his hand. Simon didn't move it, so, after few seconds, Jeremy kissed it. “A last hand kiss, just like old times, uh?”  
  
“Jeremy...”  
  
He left his hand and whispered in his ear: “I hope he's as good as me in bed,” and then gave him another look. There was a cruel flash in his eyes; he wanted to hurt him, to be mean and to let Simon feel how heartbroken he was. Tears were still slowly running down his cheeks. Simon lowered his eyes.  
  
“Okay, now that's enough,” Michael stepped in. “The cab had arrived, so...” and, having said this, he gently pulled Jeremy's arm. When he was about to get in the car, Jeremy turned back and said loudly: “It shoulda been us, Simon. Us.” Then he disappeared in the car and Michael followed him. “I'll be back as soon as I got him home safe.”  
  
Simon nodded and he kept looking at the cab until it got lost in the traffic; fiddling with his wedding band, he was feeling empty and he hated himself for breaking Jeremy's heart and for lacking the courage to stop before it was too late.  
  
Someone put a hand on his shoulder and he jumped.  
  
“Hey, what are you doing here?”. John was there.  
  
“John...you scared me...oh, nothing, just a friend came to congratulate,” Simon replied, smiling. He had always been good at pretending and lying, especially about Jeremy.  
  
“Why didn't you invite him inside? I would have loved to meet him or her.”  
  
“He couldn't stay, but uhm...he's very happy for us.”  
  
“Hopefully you can introduce me to him soon? So I can thank him.”  
  
“Yeah, sure, no problem.” The image of Jeremy meeting John flashed before Simon's eyes. Pure science-fiction.  
  
“Now let's go back inside, shall we? Everyone is going to think we withdrew,” John laughed.  
  
“You're right. Let's go. The party isn't over, yet!” Simon's tone was bubbly, but he actually just wanted to die already, so this farce of a happy marriage would be over before it even started. He followed John back to the reception and kept playing his role of happy newlywed – he was an actor after all. He just hoped it would have become easier at some point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of all the chapters I've written, this is my favorite so far! Drunk!Jeremy has been so fun to write, even though everytime he suffers I'm heartbroken. Of course things are far from over, so I hope you'll stick around 😊  
> The songs which inspired this chapter are: _Kill, Jimmy Eat World // Dancing On My Own, Calum Scott_.
> 
> PS: Chuck Bass is still the King of New York and I wonder where he would have taken Jeremy...in one of his places of ill repute, probably 😂


	3. The second that you said hello

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When a(nother) play and a baby conspire to bring Simon and Jeremy back together.

Jeremy was almost at the theatre for the Wednesday matinée, feeling as fresh as a daisy. On the day before had experienced one of the worst hangovers of his life: he had woken up with a jackhammer his head, feeling under the bus and, even worse, with the memory of what had happened the night before. He had a vague image of Michael opening the front door and helping him reaching the bed too and he thanked his lucky stars that, because of his imaginary bar mitzvah, Shelly had decided to hang out with the girls instead of waiting for him at home (they didn't live together, but she often came over for lunch or simply to stay with him, especially on Mondays, when they had no show). The morning after, anyways, she had woken him up by ringing the bell repeatedly and he had to stand her making fun of him for getting wasted at a gig where he was supposed to work. He had been very careful to not tell her the real reason of his too many drinks. Despite the fear to not be able to perform that night, even if not at his best, eventually he had made it (theatre heals all).  
  
Today he felt well physically, but not mentally. The wedding still had some effect on him and the worst part was that he had to hide it from everyone, especially from Shelly; he had never been good at hiding his feelings and this time it was even more difficult. His heart was achy and he hoped at some point everything would have come back as it was before that damn meeting on the Brooklyn Bridge, when he had found an equilibrium, somehow (no, stalking Simon's and John's Instagram accounts didn't count).  
  
Lost in his thoughts he finally reached the theatre, but right at the stage door he spotted a familiar figure, who was clearly waiting for someone.  
  
“Simon?” he said, with a hint of panic. Shit, he came to make a scene and to tell Shelly that we had sex and about my drunk show at the wedding party. I'm done, Jeremy thought. “Wh-what are you doing here?” He hoped not to sound too much anxious.  
  
“Hi, Jeremy. I knew you had the matinée today and I just—”  
  
“Is this for the other night? And...and the day before?” he asked, lowering his voice so much that it was barely a whisper. He wasn't sure Shelly had already arrived and, if not, she could have arrived any minute.  
  
“What? No, no, I'm here because—”  
  
“Hey babe! I thought I’d find you inside.” Here she was, speaking of the devil. Shelly greeted him with a quick kiss.  
  
“Hey. I've just arrived, actually...uhm, Shelly this is my friend Simon, Simon this is Shelly, my...girlfriend.”  
  
“Nice to meet you, Simon!” She shook his hand. “I guess you're a friend from Stanton, right?”  
  
“Yes, I am. Nice to meet you too,” Simon smiled, a little embarrassed. So she was his girlfriend. He had to admit that she was beautiful, tall, perfect black skin, deep brown eyes, long hair gathered in a high ponytail. They were such a good-looking couple. Simon ignored the stab of jealousy. “I was just passing by, I spotted him and I thought I’d say hi.”  
  
“Yeah, sometimes New York is smaller than you think,” she laughed. “Why don't you stay and see the show? I'm sure Jeremy told you he's on as Ogie the whole week.”  
  
“Actually he's—” Jeremy tried to interrupt.  
  
“Uhm, I've got some things to do, but this is just a couple of hours, so...yeah, why not? I love the show, with Jeremy on as a lead it must be even better.” Simon really meant it and there was nothing wrong in seeing him, this time. It was totally a friendly thing.  
  
“Awesome! We can also manage to get him backstage, after, so you can take a pic, right? What do you think, Jem?”  
  
“Yeah, I'm sure we can do that,” Jeremy replied slowly. This must be a dream, he thought, or better a nightmare: Shelly and Simon talking to each other in front of him.  
  
“Perfect. I’d better get ready now and you should too! I'll see you inside. Bye Simon! Come and say goodbye, after the show!” She entered the stage door with few other cast members, leaving Jeremy and Simon alone.  
  
“I'm sorry, she...you don't have to stay if you're busy.”  
  
“No, no, it's fine. I wanted to see the show anyways and since you're on...I miss seeing you on stage, you know?” He really hoped Jeremy could feel he was sincere. “And it's the last chance this week, because I'm leaving for the honeymoon tomorrow, so...”. An embarrassed and tense silence fell. The spell was broken and Jeremy wanted to cut to the chase.  
  
“You wanted to tell me something? It seemed you were waiting for me.” He had no idea about the reason why he was there, now that it was clear he didn't want to tell Shelly anything.  
  
“Yes, uhm...I wanted to give this back to you,” he pulled a necklace with an infinity symbol pendant out from his pocket. “I found it in the room after we...you know...” he sighed. “I wanted to return it immediately, but you ran away, I didn't have your new number and then there weren't many occasions, so...”  
  
Jeremy was so glad Shelly wasn't still there, because that was the necklace she had given him for his birthday. He used to wear it all the time, but now he felt like a monster because he hadn't even noticed he had lost it. A message from the Universe, maybe? “Oh, thank you. Yeah, I must have taken it off when we...I always do that when...you know...even with Shelly.” The whole thing was becoming too awkward for words; he put the necklace in his backpack and said: “Look I have to go now. See you after the show, then?” He tried to sound as neutral as possible, but the idea of Simon being in the audience made him happy. Almost like old times.  
  
“Yeah, of course. Break a leg!” He smiled at him.  
  
“Thanks.” Jeremy smiled back and then entered the stage door. He felt this was going to be one of his best performances ever.

 

* * *

 

A month later everything seemed to be back to normal. Simon had come and gone from his honeymoon in France and Jeremy was back in the ensemble (with only occasional understudying). They were in the same city, but neither of them had made a move towards the other, afraid of what could have happen; especially now that they had seen each other again after three years, it was impossible to go back to the old saying ' _out of sight, out of mind_ ' – not that it had ever worked well for them, anyways.  
  
Simon thought about Jeremy every day, even when he was in France: everything he'd do with John he couldn't help but wonder how it would have been with Jeremy instead. Meanwhile Jeremy started noticing all the things Shelly would do differently from Simon, from the way she prepared breakfast, to how long she looked at herself the mirror. Not only that, it seemed as if the city was doing its best to bring back memories of him on every corner.  Both Simon and Jeremy loved their new partners, but it always seemed there were some flaws, like their lives didn't feel completely right. Unfortunately, neither of them had the courage to admit it, so they kept spending their lives pretending everything was okay, putting that dull ache to sleep.  
  
But no matter how you fight it, life is always ready to rain on your parade and, sometimes, the push you need can come from an unsuspecting event such as visiting your friend who just gave birth.

 

* * *

 

It was a calm June afternoon in New York City and Lilette was lying on the couch, exhausted. She loved the idea of becoming a mother, but, at the eighth month, she simply couldn't wait for this to be over and hold her baby girl in her arms. Robbie was even more excited than her (when she had told him she was pregnant he had almost fainted) and he'd act like his slave, basically. He was so adorable and now he was massaging her feet, while singing some kind of impromptu freestyle rap, of course dedicated to their daughter.  
  
“Robbie, please stop it,” Lilette laughed. “If you keep going like this, she's going to freestyle instead of crying, when she's born.”  
  
“You say it like it's a bad thing,” Robbie pretended to be offended. “Do you like showtunes better? I can do that too,” and then kissed her belly. He adored his daughter already.  
  
“Showtunes are—ouch! She stopped, pulling herself up.  
  
Robbie looked up at her: “What's wrong?”, a hint of panic in his voice.  
  
“I... I think time's up.”  
  
“What? No, it's supposed to be next month!”  
  
“My waters broke...oh my God, I... think we should go to the hospital.”  
  
“Yeah, Sure. I'm on it.” Now Robbie was definitely panicking. He was going to be a father!

 

* * *

 

Several hours later Lilette was holding a beautiful baby and Robbie still had problems at not crying every time he looked at them. He was like hypnotized and kept asking to his father if it's always like this when you have a baby. All their family was there and even Coach Strickland, who had accompanied Vanessa (Lilette had eventually accepted their relationship, having seen how much he loved her). But, obviously, they weren't the only ones there; friends would come and go all the time and especially the troupe ones.  
  
Simon arrived in a hurry, too happy for words. “Oh my God, Lilette! She's beautiful! Congratulations guys!” he said with watery eyes. “Looks like I'm an uncle now,” he laughed.  
  
“And you're also her godfather, don't forget it.”  
  
“How could I? She's so precious, I'm going to be there for her forever.”  
  
“You won't be alone in this,” Lilette said with a mischievous smile. He didn't get it at first, but then he followed her look and saw Jeremy, who was still in the doorway smiling like an idiot. Eventually he got next to the bed.  
  
“Oh. My. God. Look at her! What's her name?”  
  
“Beatrice.”  
  
“Oh, I love it! Hello, Beatrice, I'm your godfather,” he said, gently caressing the baby’s tiny hand.  
  
Besides family, Simon and Jeremy were the only ones left when the nurse told them visiting hours were over. They said goodbye to everyone and reluctantly left. During this whole time, they had barely spoken to each other and, when they had done it, it hadn’t been anything deep or personal, but Lilette hadn't missed the way they had glanced at each other.  
  
“They still love each other,” she said to Robbie, before he left too.  
  
“But they're both with someone else and Simon is married,” Robbie clarified.  
  
“Oh, what's meant to be is meant to be, trust me.”  
  
“After all these years?”  
  
“Always,” she smiled.

 

* * *

 

When they had left the room, Jeremy had quickly said goodbye to Simon and then hurried towards the exit.  
  
“Jeremy, wait up!”  
  
“I'm sorry, I can't stay any longer, so…” Jeremy couldn't start a conversation with him, not since he had seen him holding a baby in his arms and the image of the two of them adopting a child had flashed in front of his eyes.  
  
“I know, it's just...since we're here, I wanted to ask you a favor.”  
  
“Oh, okay...what is it?”  
  
“I've been cast as the Son in an off-Broadway production of _Six characters in search of an author_ , but I don't have anyone to help me at memorizing lines, so...do you want to do that?” He had been thinking about this since he gotten cast the week before, but, of course, he hadn’t had the courage to call Jeremy and ask him, afraid he might have said no, or even not answered his phone at all. He had asked Michael for the number, unable to go any further, but meeting at the hospital felt like a sign from above (it was the first time they had seen each other since that day at the theatre) and Simon decided it was now or never.  
  
“John can't?”  
  
“He's always busy with his law firm and anyway he's not an actor, so…”  
  
“He doesn't have to be, all he has to do is read the script...anyways, don't you have one of your colleagues that could—”  
  
“I just want you, okay?” Shit, this doesn't sound good, Simon thought (and, in fact, Jeremy's heart flipped), but it had slipped out of his mouth before he had been able to stop himself. Not that it wasn't the truth, though. “I mean we've been partners – scene partners and it's...it's easier with you.” It still sounded bad, but less than before. He looked at Jeremy with a hopeful face and the other boy didn't know what to say.  
  
It wasn't like he had asked him for a date, but still they would have been alone and Jeremy wasn't sure to be strong enough. Everything was telling him to refuse, all possible alarms in his head were ringing, but he heard himself saying: “Okay. I can do it.”  
  
Simon sighed, surprised and relieved at the same time. “Oh, great. Thank you,” he smiled. “What time is better for you? We rehearse in the late afternoon and at night, so I have free mornings, but I don't want to be a problem.”  
  
“Mornings are fine for me, except for when I have the matinées.”  
  
“Oh yeah, sure, don't worry. Uhm...what about this Thursday? Central Park, at the Alice in Wonderland statue, ten o' clock?” Simon remembered it was Jeremy's favorite and they used to go there all the time. It had become their place.  
  
“Yes, it's perfect.” Their place. Awesome. Jeremy was already regretting having said yes.  
  
“Well, then. See you in two days, Jer.”  
  
“See you”. He had called him Jer again, but this time Jeremy didn't correct him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It doesn't happen much between the boys in this chapter, but you know that with them even little things lead to something bigger...also you can bet I cast Simon in my favorite Pirandello's play ever.
> 
> The songs which inspired this chapter are: _Thinking Of You, Katy Perry // The Second You Say, Chase Coy_.


	4. A little too not over you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Hold me tight as I tell myself that you might make sense and make good what has been just so bad_. Or Simon and Jeremy can't ignore their feelings anymore. Who said it's a bad idea?

Jeremy was staring at the ceiling. It was 6 AM on the day he was supposed to meet Simon to help him with the lines and he was already anxious. Yes, it shouldn't have been so difficult to focus on the work instead of taking a trip down to memory lane, but when it came to Simon he wasn't sure of anything. He took a look at Shelly, still asleep next to him; she was so beautiful and she had won his heart with sweetness, when all he wanted to do was to be alone, not trusting love (and men) anymore. Who would even think of cheating on her? Someone like him, maybe?  
  
He chased away the thought, but he couldn't fall asleep again, so he got out of bed, took his laptop and sat on the couch to watch a movie and, after a couple of hours, he decided to prepare breakfast. Shelly found him in the kitchen when she woke up.  
  
“There you are! I think I've never seen you up this early”  
  
“Yeah, I woke up like two hours ago and I didn't want to bother you, so...”  
  
“And, also, I've never seen you prepare breakfast,” she raised her eyebrows. It was pretty amusing, since Jeremy wasn't exactly famous for his cooking skills. “You're good at something else, not at this,” and saying this, she bit his ear, flirty.  
  
“Okay, now I'm offended...for the cooking part,” he laughed.  
  
“Thank you, babe. I appreciate it, though.” She sat in front of him. “So, what you're up to today? Oh, these pancakes are very good,” she said, taking another couple.  
  
“Thank you. Uhm...I...” Say it, Jeremy, he though. It's okay. “Do you remember Simon? My friend from Stanton? He asked me to help him with his new play, to learn lines you know? So we're going to do...just that.” There was no need to feel embarrassed, since it was the truth (okay, the last part of the sentence was more for himself than for her), but still... “We used to do that in college too, since we were friends, so why changing a winning team?” he concluded with a little laugh.  
  
“Sounds cool. It's great that you're still so close and helping him is so nice from you.”  
  
“Yeah, we...we are and well, I'm always happy to help a friend.” He really needed to stop saying the word 'friend'. “What about you? Busy morning?”  
  
“Not really,” she was now sitting on his lap “I'm going to spend few hours at the beautician, I really need it.”  
  
“What are you talking about? You're beautiful.”  
  
“Liar. But thanks. See you at lunch,” she kissed him and then went to the bedroom to get dressed. “Have fun with Simon!” she shouted from the other room.  
  
“I will,” he replied, hoping to not regret it.

* * *

“Wow, where are you going dressed like that?” John was in the living room, looking at some work papers when Simon entered.  
  
“Why? They're the same things I use to wear every day, so...”. Simon hoped he wasn't blushing. There was a tiny chance he had maybe chosen a too much elegant shirt, but he didn't want to look sloppy, after all.  
  
“If you say so,” he laughed and leaned in to kiss him. “And... did you use a different aftershave? This is not the one I gave to you.”  
  
“Yeah, I... finished that, so I bought the first one I found at Saks.” That happened to be exactly the one Jeremy had given him as present when they had just arrived in New York. What a coincidence.  
  
“I see. So where are you going?”  
  
“Oh, just hanging out with some troupe members...so we can get to know each other more and run lines together, too.” It wasn't a complete lie, but not the truth either. There was nothing wrong in what he was going to do, just he wanted to protect Jeremy from John, somehow. They had never met, but John knew about him and the last thing he'd tell him was that he was going to meet his ex. Alone. “What about you?”  
  
“Oh, I'm in court all day, basically. I'm sorry we can't have lunch together.”  
  
“Don't worry, we can make up for lost time tonight, after I finish rehearsal,” he smiled.  
  
“Sure. I have to go now,” John leaned in and kissed him quickly. “Have fun! Love you.”  
  
“Love you too,” he replied, watching him taking his briefcase and leave. Alone in that big, Manhattan penthouse, Simon thought that he had a beautiful house and the perfect husband, who loved him and was rich enough to let him live his dream as an actor without the need of a side job; only a crazy man would ruin it with an affair. And Simon wasn't crazy, wasn't he?  
  
There was no time to think about it, anyway; Jeremy was waiting for him. He was already at the Alice in Wonderland statue when Simon arrived, sat on one of the mushrooms.  
  
“Hey.”  
  
“Hey.”  
  
Simon awkwardly greeted him with a kiss on the cheek. Jeremy recognized the aftershave smell, but he didn't say a word about it, even though it had brought back some memories that had made the butterflies in his stomach flutter. They were so in love, back then – as if it was different, now.  
  
“I'm sorry, have you been waiting long?” Simon asked, putting his hands in his pockets. They were sweaty.  
  
“No, not at all, just like five minutes.”  
  
An embarrassed silence fell and it was almost funny, because it seemed like they were keeping a safe distance, afraid of the electricity racing between them.  
  
“So, uhm...shall we begin?” Jeremy asked.  
  
“Yeah, yeah, sure. Here's the script...let's sit here,” he replied, pointing at one of the benches around the statue. They began running lines and soon the tension and the awkwardness vanished: it was like in high school and college again, when they were still together. Simon's memory wasn't that bad and Jeremy often made him laugh when he'd try to suggest him the words he didn't remember by miming them. (“I'm going to burst out laughing on stage because of you” “But at least you'll remember all your lines, so you're welcome”). Time flew and, without realizing, it was lunch time.  
  
“Okay, Jer, it's time for a break, I'm exhausted...what? It's like 1 PM already, how is it possible?” Simon said, looking at his watch.  
  
“You should know that time flies with me and that's because I'm a great scene partner. And, of course, I'm charming too,” Jeremy replied, smoothing back his hair with a sigh.  
  
“Oh, really?” Simon said, raising his eyebrows, amused.  
  
“Shut up!” and then he punched him on his arm. Simon pretended to be hurt and gently touched Jeremy's jaw with his fist, as if he wanted to punch him. They both laughed, but Simon's hand lingered against Jeremy's face; it had become almost a caress and their eyes met for a second too long. Luckily, a screaming little kid ran towards the statue interrupting their intimacy and they put themselves together.  
  
Simon did his best to act as if nothing had happened and casually said: “Uhm, I don't know you, but I'm starving, so...why don't we go at my place and then order pizza? I live nearby and –”  
  
“Oh, I'd love to, but Shelly is waiting for me, we’ll have lunch together and then I have to take her I don't know where, so...” Jeremy was really sorry and the disappointed look on Simon's face made him feel even worse. It wasn't an excuse, but it sounded like one.  
  
“Nevermind, it's fine, I should have known it,” Simon shrugged, putting on a smile. He doesn't want to be alone with you, Simon, don't be ridiculous, he thought. At your place, even! What were you thinking about?  
  
“But we can do that next time, what do you think?” Jeremy asked hopeful. He knew he should have avoided to spend time alone with him, but the last few hours had been amazing...and nothing had happened, after all. No, they weren't about to kiss a few minutes ago, not at all.  
  
“Yeah, sounds great.” If only Simon knew how to slow down his racing heart! “So... we can see each other again in two days?  Same place, same time?”  
  
“Sure.”  
  
“Perfect. Thank you for your help, it's been...awesome.”  
  
“You're welcome. I liked it too,” Jeremy smiled. “Bye, Simon.”  
  
“Bye.”

* * *

They kept seeing each other often in the following weeks. Apparently, it was just to run lines together and then have lunch – and that's what they would do – but the truth was that they needed those few hours together like air. Unconsciously (or maybe not) they were getting closer and closer, but pretended they could really be just friends. Too bad that they had never been so good at being that, not even in high school.  
  
Eventually, they broke the unsaid rule of 'not be alone at home' and they ended up eating pizza at Jeremy's apartment; sat on the couch, things were still friendly and everything was going well as usual, until...  
  
“I really can't believe you like that stuff,” Simon said.  
  
“Shut up, Hawaiian pizza is delicious and whoever says the contrary is a liar,” Jeremy replied, biting another slice.  
  
“You know this...this reminded me of a thing, but...nevermind,” he tried to dismiss it, but it wasn't that easy with Jeremy.  
  
“What? 'C’mon, tell me!”  
  
Uncomfortable, Simon stood up, sighed and then, after a short pause, he said: “Our first date.”  
  
“Oh. Yeah. Right,” Jeremy put down the rest of the slice.  
  
“We were at your place, in your backyard, you were eating the same kind of pizza and, even then, you said it was delicious,” Simon went on, staring at his empty pizza box on the coffee table. He couldn't look at Jeremy.  
  
“It's always been my favorite”, he said with a laugh, trying to be cool. It wasn't working, though, and actually he even made it worse by saying: “And later we even almost did it on my couch.”  
  
“But your mum called, so we had to stop and...and I asked you to sing for me.”  
  
“Do you really remember that?” Jeremy couldn't help but standing up too and getting closer to him.  
  
“Of course I do, Jer.” His voice was almost a whisper. Then, before Jeremy could even realize it, Simon leaned in and kissed him sweetly, gently. It was a kiss that said 'I love you, I miss you and I don't want to kiss anyone else' and Jeremy's heart flipped in his chest. He felt the same and he knew it, but his conscience made itself heard and he parted from Simon. “Simon...”  
  
“I'm sorry, I know...it's—"  
  
“...Wrong”  
  
“Yeah, you keep saying that.”  
  
“Because it's true.” Their foreheads were still touching, eyes closed.  
  
“But what if it was right, instead? What if this is the only right thing we can do?” Simon had taken a few steps back, because he needed to look at Jeremy in the eyes.  
  
“Si...”  
  
“No, listen! You...you told me we were too broken to be fixed and that there was nothing between us anymore, but...just think of the last few weeks! We spent time together, we laughed and don't tell me I was the only one who thought it was like the old times! But it's not just lately, ever since last month I can't stop thinking about you! I know – I know I ended up marrying John anyways and he's great...he really is, just...he's not you. We're not over, Jer, we...we can't be over and even if you keep saying it, I don't believe you.” While talking, he had come closer to Jeremy again. His pleading eyes had a sparkle of bravery, because this time he was ready to fight for him. “Please, tell me I'm not the only one who feels this.”  
  
“You're...you're not the only one,” Jeremy finally admitted in a whisper and heard Simon sighing with relief and happiness. “But it doesn't mean that we should, I mean...what about Shelly and John? They don't deserve this, you know that.” He was desperately grasping to the last shred of conscience he had, to the good memories he had with Shelly and the love he felt for her, nevertheless. She might not be his soulmate, but he didn't want to hurt her. Did he?  
  
“The only thing I know right now is that I love you. I tried to fight it, deny it and bury it inside of me, but I couldn't. I love you. Always have and always will.”  
  
That was it. Those three little words destroyed all his resistance and hesitations. The words he had wished to hear again from Simon for three years – despite how much he denied it – had finally arrived. “I... I love you too.” He cupped Simon's face in his hands and kissed him; everything and everyone disappeared, it was just the two of them. Just like old times.  
  
Simon's heart was bursting with joy and the fact he was married in that moment felt almost like another life, another universe. Jeremy still loved him and that was all that mattered. He parted from him and unbuttoned his shirt, eventually throwing it on the floor, but Jeremy put a hand on his chest preventing him to keep kissing him.  
  
“Now what? I thought we were good about this,” Simon joked with a smirk. “'C’mon...”  
  
“We are, we are, just...”, Jeremy laughed. It was so difficult to resist a shirtless Simon; focus, Jeremy! Focus! “Shelly is coming here and then we go together to work, so...” Reality broke the spell and Simon nodded, suddenly serious.  
  
“Yeah, I get it. It's fine, I... I have rehearsal too, so…” and, avoiding Jeremy's eyes, he grabbed his shirt from the floor and put it back on.  
  
“Hey...look at me.” Jeremy took his hands. “I didn't change my mind, but we have to be careful, okay? It's the least we can do. Come here,” he said and hugged him.” Tomorrow we can stay here to run lines instead of going to Central Park, what do you think? Have lunch together, too, maybe?”  
  
“Actually, I think I'm on track with memorizing, so we can take a break from that for a day,” Simon smiled. “I might have other plans for us,” he whispered in Jeremy's ear.  
  
“As you wish,” he laughed.  
  
“Okay, then...see you tomorrow...same time, but here?”  
  
“Sounds perfect.”  
  
They kissed again quickly and Simon left. Jeremy was feeling electric, but soon the excitement of being with Simon again – even if secretly – took a back seat and the sense of guilt appeared again; he could keep it silent when he was with Simon, but alone was a different story. He reminded himself that Shelly was coming, so he opened the windows to stir up the air, he tidied up the living room and then went to the florist on the street corner to buy a bunch of flowers for her. Not that some flowers could cancel his decision to cheat on her with Simon, but it was still a nice gesture, right?  
  
The bell rang. “Hi babe!” Shelly said and kissed him. “You smell good, new perfume?”  
  
Simon's perfume had probably stuck to his face and t-shirt when they had hugged. “Uh, yeah…Simon and I went to Saks after running lines and tried some, you know, for fun.” What a stupid lie, Jeremy thought and made a mental note to always change his clothes after being with Simon (not that he planned to keep them on in general, though, but just in case...). “Anyways, this is for you,” and he handed her the flowers.  
  
“Oh, they're beautiful, thank you! Are we celebrating something?”  
  
“Can't I buy you flowers just because I want to?” he asked, looking at her. He felt terrible, but smiled to hide it.  
  
“Of course you can. Actually, I think you should do that more often,” she smiled, putting her hands around his neck, before kissing him.  
  
“Speaking about doing something...I have an idea,” he asked, flirty, whispering something in her hear. Then he picked her up and headed towards the bedroom.  
  
“Dirty boy!” she giggled.  
  
Maybe it was because he still had the image of a shirtless Simon before his eyes and he already knew what was going to happen the following day (and not just then), but he felt like the urge to demonstrate his love to Shelly; like some kind of compensation for what he was going to do. Was it really for her? Or more for himself, so he could feel better?

 

  
It was almost midnight. After the show he and Shelly had had dinner with a couple of other cast members. Now they were back home, and she was already sleeping while Jeremy was lying awake in the darkness of their bedroom. He couldn't sleep at the thought of Simon – as if it was new, for him! Suddenly his phone screen lighted up, silently.

  
**Si** _(11:48): hey. Can you talk?_

  
Jeremy immediately got out of bed, trying not to wake up Shelly. After closing the door, he went to the kitchen and called Simon.  
  
“Hey, something's wrong?” he whispered.  
  
“No, no... I just...I know it sounds silly, but I just wanted to say good night and hear your voice. I miss you.”  
  
“We're going to see each other in few hours,” he replied, amused.  
  
“I know, don't make fun of me,” Simon said, pretending to be offended. Of course he had to whisper too.  
  
“I'm not! You're adorable when you're cheesy.”  
  
“Oh, am I?” Simon replied and Jeremy could imagine him raising his eyebrows with a little smirk.  
  
“I can tell you in person tomorrow, if you want.”  
  
“Definitely”. They both remained silent for a while, then he said: “Listen I have to go now, John may notice I'm not in bed.”  
  
“Yeah, same,” he paused. This conversation reminded him of their talking all night on the phone when they were still in high school. “I love you, you know that?”  
  
“I love you too. Goodnight.”  
  
“Goodnight”.  
  
They hang up the phone and came back to their bedrooms, where other people were sleeping without a clue about what was happening in their partners’ lives. Did Simon and Jeremy feel bad about it? Yes, somehow. But now that they had found each other again, they were choosing to ignore that and silence the inner voices telling them that secret affairs can't go on forever without hurting all the people involved.  
  
And so it began, again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you read my [one shot](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16048442) you recognized Siremy first date! I couldn't help but quoting myself 😄
> 
>  
> 
> **I also added a few more tags to the work ( Secret Relationship, Affairs, Extramarital Affairs, Infidelity).**
> 
>  
> 
> The songs which inspired this chapter are: _(Another song) All over Again, Justin Timberlake // Lips of An Angel, Hinder // A Little Too Not Over You, David Archuleta // It's Not Over, Chris Daughtry_.


	5. Was I the only one who fell in love?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon learns that you should always look over your shoulder and be more careful when you're having an affair. Also that you can't hide things from Lilette.

_A MONTH LATER_

 

“Are you sure she won't come back early?” Simon asked between kisses. They were at Jeremy's place, on his bed and half naked, Jeremy on top of him. It was a hot July in New York City and yet they couldn't care less about getting cozy (and sweaty) under the sheets.  
  
“No, I told you, she's visiting her family in Charlotte and won't be back before Sunday. Now shut up,” Jeremy replied, hushing him with another kiss.  
  
“You told me she likes to surprise you, sometimes...”  
  
Jeremy stopped and sighed. “Not this time. There's a standby who's replacing her, so she won't like pop up all of a sudden just to surprise me.”  
  
“But what if—”  
  
“Can we not talk about her, please? For once we don't have to worry...” he smiled and then nibbled Simon's ear.  
  
“Fine! You won...”, Simon closed his eyes, feeling like in heaven, hands in Jeremy's hair. He adored the way he remembered exactly the spots that drove him crazy. Jeremy knew when to be strong or delicate and the fact that he loved to kiss every single inch of his body would made Simon lose his mind. “But don't leave marks on me.”  
  
“Too bad, I love leaving marks on you,” he replied with a smirk, kissing him way down deep.  
  
Since the beginning of the affair they both felt like in high school again, when they were together and out for the first time, crazily in love and always kissing. Now they had just few hours, and not even every day, but they always got the most out of them: having sex, of course, but not just that. They liked to simply cuddle on the couch, slow dance at their favorite showtunes or cooking (and end up making a mess). But they didn't stay at home all the time: they would see exhibitions, go to the movies, have lunch at delis or simply walk around the city, sometimes holding hands in the crowd or even sneaking out in the alleys to kiss. Once Simon brought him to rehearsal even. There were no John or Shelly, in those moments – it was just them. They had missed each other so bad and now they couldn't stop smiling and looking at each other.  
  
But their husband and girlfriend still existed, unfortunately. For Jeremy it was somehow easier, because Shelly didn't live with him, but for Simon it was another story. Yes, John was almost all day at his law firm or in court, but they were married and therefore Simon couldn't avoid to spend the rest of the day with him. He lied to him, of course: he would tell him that he had rehearsal or that he was at Lilette's or spending time with his Stanton friends (without saying with whom). Simon had started drifting apart from John without even realizing it; way into Jeremy, now he couldn't show his feelings for him like before. Even when they had sex (not so often, anyway), his mind was somewhere else and Simon wasn't sure that smiles or quick kisses could make up for that, but John never questioned him about it and seemed to believe to his excuses about being tired and stressed out because of the play.  
  
On the contrary, Jeremy had almost doubled his attentions to Shelly. He loved to be with Simon again, but he couldn't chase away his sense of guilt, so he had become more romantic; he had begun buying her flowers more often, doing his best to prepare her favorite dishes for dinner (not always with great results), complimenting her for her beauty or talent. Not that he didn't use to do this before, just less often. Anyways, Shelly didn't mind these new attentions; also, since she still had her independence, she didn't mind spending time with her own friends, leaving Jeremy alone to 'see his Stanton and New York friends' or to do whatever he told her he was busy with.  
  
Now, after 'making love', as Simon liked to say, his head was resting on Jeremy's chest, gently caressing the little tattoo – an 'S' letter - that matched the one he had in the same place – a 'J'. Jeremy was stroking his hair.  
  
“Do you remember when we did this?” he asked, smiling.  
  
“Yeah...the first day we arrived in New York. You were freaking out and I had to hold your hand.”  
  
“That's not true!  Simon raised his head.  
  
“Oh, it is,” Jeremy burst out laughing at Simon's 'offended' expression. Then he became serious and gently caressed him. “I thought you had it removed.”  
  
“I couldn't...and not because laser is painful!” he joked. “Seriously, I couldn't. It would have meant I was over you...which I wasn't.”  
  
“Same here”.  
  
Simon kissed the tattoo and then Jeremy on the lips. Suddenly the doorbell rang. They immediately parted, with a panicked look.  
  
“Who can it be? I wasn't expecting anyone.”  
  
“What if it's...her?” Simon had jumped out of the bed, picking up his clothes. Some were in the living room, so he went looking for them, followed by Jeremy, who had dressed at the speed of light.  
  
“No, she...she can't be here, I told you.” He was trying not to freak out.  
“Well, someone is here and caught us!” Simon shouted.  
  
“Keep your voice down!” Jeremy whispered. “No one caught anyone. Yet.” The bell rang again, he took a breath and then opened the door.  
  
“Surprise!”  
  
“Lilette...! And... little Beatrice...! What are you doing here?”  
  
“We were just passing by and Beatrice said 'let's go visiting JerBear!'” she said, using the little girl voice. “Aren't you happy to see us? Did we interrupt something?” She was still standing outside the door, looking over his shoulder.  
  
“Of course I'm happy and no, you didn't interrupt anything...come in,” he stepped aside and Lilette came inside. Beatrice was in the baby carriage.  
  
“Simon! Hey! What a surprise to find you here!” she said with big eyes. She had noticed both guys' hair was messy and also Simon's t-shirt was inside out.  
  
“Hi! Yeah, I was...passing by like you and... but look at this precious little girl!” and he picked her up in his arms, since she was awake.  
  
She sat on the couch next to Simon and then asked: “Can I have a glass of water, please? With ice. It's so hot outside, I'm all sweaty”. Jeremy brought the water and then took the baby from Simon's arms, sitting on one of the armchairs. An embarrassed silence fell, broken only by Beatrice's babbling. Lilette sipped the water and then put the glass on the coffee table.  
  
“So...” she started, eyes switching from Simon to Jeremy, who were avoiding to look at her. “You didn't tell me you were back together, it's awesome! No offense, Simon, but John was so not for you and what about Shelly? I mean she's pretty and all, but I don't know, she has never convinced me.”  
  
“Wait, what? No, no we...we aren't back together, what makes you think that?” Jeremy said, with a nervous laugh and unable to stand still on the armchair. Simon, on the contrary, looked like a statue.  
  
Lilette chuckled. “Oh, 'c’mon guys...are you kidding me? You can tell me now.”  
  
“Tell you what?” Simon seemed to have found his voice again.  
  
“Wait, are you serious? But-hold on a sec!” She grabbed Simon's left hand “You're still wearing the wedding band! And there are still Shelly pics all over the place,” she said looking around. “Are you...are you having an affair?” she said with a gasp, eyes wide open.  
  
“What? No, no...” – “Of course not, are you crazy...?” Simon and Jeremy said, overlapping.  
  
“Do you think I'm stupid?” she uttered. “I know you and you've always been awful at lying. Both of you”.  
  
Simon looked at Jeremy and his eyes were saying that there was no use in denying it anymore. He barely nodded and then lowered his head. “We didn't want to, but...it just happened and...” Simon stopped. There wasn't a way to make it sound good.  
  
“How long it's being going on?”  
  
“A month. But...something might have happened already...before that...” Simon's voice was thin and both guys looked like kids caught stealing the jam pot.  
  
“Wait, before you got married? SAUNDERS!”  
  
“Actually that was probably my fault, I—” Jeremy cut in.  
  
“TRAVERS! What the hell!” Beatrice had started whining, so Lilette got her back and rocked her, never taking her eyes off of the two guys. “Look, I've always wished for you to come back together, right? And I still do! When Beatrice was born and you both came to the hospital, I knew that you were far from over, I had this feeling, but...an affair? You should have broken up with John and Shelly before anything!” she concluded with a harsh look.  
  
“I know, but—”  
  
“There's no 'but', Simon”. Beatrice was calm again and Lilette put her back in the baby carriage. “You have to talk with John and Shelly before they find out by themselves. If you really want to be together, then you have to break up with them first and be honest about your feelings.” She put a hand on Simon's shoulder, looking at him and then at Jeremy. “They both deserve to know.”  
  
Simon sighed and rubbed his eyes. He suddenly felt all the weight of this secret and he was sure it was the same for Jeremy. They couldn't go on forever like that. “You're right. We have to do it, we have to figure out a way.”  
  
Jeremy slowly nodded. “Okay. I'll talk to Shelly when she comes back.”  
  
“And I'll do it today.”  
  
“Good. It's for the best, trust me.” She took her purse. “I have to go now, Robbie is waiting for me at home and he gets anxious when we're late,” she laughed. “Bye! I love you. Both of you.” She smiled and then, wheeling the pram, she left. The door had just closed and Simon's phone rang.  
  
“It's him,” but he wasn't sure whether to pick up or not. Jeremy squeezed his hand and he eventually did. “Hi John.”  
  
“Hi, Simon. I'm sorry to bother you.”  
  
“No, you...you never bother me. What's up?”  
  
“Can you come home right now, please?”  
  
“Something's wrong?”  
  
“I'd prefer to discuss it in person.”  
  
“Oh, okay...I'm on my way then.”  
  
“Good. Bye.”  
  
“Bye.” Simon hung up, thoughtful. He hadn't a good feeling. “Uhm, he...he asked me to come home right now, it seems important.”  
  
“You won't have to wait until tonight to tell him about us, then. Rip the band-aid off,” Jeremy tried to joke.  
  
“I don't know...he sounded weird...I'll let you know.” He kissed him quickly and left. On his way home, he tried to think about the words to tell him that it was over. Little he knew that he wouldn't have needed them.

 

* * *

 

John was sitting on the couch waiting for him, but he kept staring at the framed wedding picture hung on the wall in front of him, even when Simon entered the room. It was impossible to read anything in his expression, but Simon felt like a chill creeping up his spine.  
  
“Hey.”  
  
“Hey, Simon. Have a seat.” Simon sat on the other couch in front of him.  
  
“So? What's wrong?”  
  
John finally looked at him in silence, like he was carefully studying him. “I have something for you,” he eventually said and put a yellow envelope on the coffee table.  
  
“What is it?”  
  
“Open it.”  
  
Simon took the envelope and, when he saw what was inside of it, his heart skipped a beat: dozens of photos of him and Jeremy in the streets holding hands, smiling at each other and, most of all, kissing. All the kisses they had shared in the alleys, under Jeremy's house or in the middle of the crowd believing no one was watching. Simon opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out, it was like he had a stroke; he was paralyzed.  
  
“Oh, I was almost forgetting this one too,” John said with a fake sorry tone, took a small Tiffany box from his pocket and put it on the coffee table. Simon moaned when he saw it, because it was clear it had been opened. Fuck, he thought. Fuck, fuck, FUCK. I'm dead. He knows everything and he's going to kill me first and then Jeremy.  
  
“Surprise, Simon.”  
  
“...I...I... I can—” he was completely haywire.  
  
“You can explain of course, I'm sure you can. But to me it looks pretty clear and you know? I'm fucking tired of your lies.” He wasn't shouting or crying or anything. But Simon could imagine what was really behind his impassive face.  
  
“Listen, I'm not...denying it, just—”  
  
“You know...” he went on as if Simon had never spoken.  
  
“I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I...” Simon whispered.  
  
“...I've seen such things so many times as a lawyer”, he stood up and started walking around, stopping behind the couch, hands on the backrest. “But I've always believed that it would have never happened to me and, when I fell in love with you, I couldn't be surer of that. I guess I was stupid, wasn't I?” He paused with a sigh. “You've distanced yourself from me, Simon, I noticed it. Everyday your kisses were more rushed, you touched me less and less and, even when you did, your head was miles away. But you told me that you were tired and stressed because of the play and I believed you, of course I did, even though there was a tiny voice inside my head saying that something was wrong. I ignored it and I even felt bad because of it. Me! Doubting you!” he snickered, shaking his head. “So one day I decided to surprise you...I bought lunch and I went to the rehearsal place, but guess what? The doorman told me that there was no rehearsal that day, actually that it was cancelled all week because the director was sick. But you hadn't mentioned that to me.”  
  
John stared Simon down, but he lowered his eyes immediately, fiddling with his wedding band. He was desperately looking for something to say, but the truth was that he had no excuses. Nothing could make this whole thing look better, especially when he had had the chance to stop it before it was too late, but he hadn’t. Now all he could do was sitting there, listening to words that felt like terrible blows.  
  
“The little voice in my head became a warning sound,” John continued, looking out the window. “I started spying you: every gesture, every expression, every inflection of your voice when you told me you had something to do, every kiss, even. Every day it was getting worse and yet I still refused to see, because I loved you! I guess I just needed something more real to open my eyes.” He turned and nodded at the Tiffany box that was still on the coffee table. Simon didn't need to open it to know what was inside.  
  
“I was here at home alone a couple of weeks ago when a Tiffany clerk called to tell me that the custom necklace Mr. Saunders had ordered was ready. He told me he had tried to get in touch with you, per your request, but, since you hadn’t answered or called back, they eventually called the house.”  
  
Shit, Simon thought. He remembered now a missed call from an unknown number – several calls, actually – but he had always forgotten to call back. Apparently, what he had ordered had taken less than expected to be made.  
  
“I thought that it couldn't be a present for me, since you know that I don't wear necklaces, but, hey, there was no need to think badly, right? It could have been for your goddaughter or someone else,” John went on, shrugging. Simon was even more scared by the fact that John didn't seem angry – sure, he was a lawyer so he was used to be collected even in the worst situations, but...this wasn't a trial, after all, wasn't it? Simon wasn't sure.  
  
“I told the clerk I was your husband and asked if I could pick it up and he said yes. It was even already paid! So I got it, but when I came home I couldn’t resist and I opened the box...and the name written on the necklace was...”  
  
“Please John, there's no need to —” Simon said desperately.  
  
“...Jeremy. Jeremy,” he repeated slowly. “At first, I didn't remember who this guy was, but eventually I did: your Ernst, the one who had made you realize you were gay, your...”  
  
“Please, John...” Simon's voice was a whisper.  
  
“...first, big love. The one you were still trying to forget when we met.” John sighed and loosened the knot of his tie. “Something broke inside of me, Simon,” and here his voice trembled a little. “But I wanted to see you together, I needed more evidence – professional habit, I guess; I couldn't follow you in person, so I called a private detective and... I got the proof I was looking for.” John covered his mouth with the hand, lowering his eyes. His strength was abandoning him and he was on the verge of tumbling down.  
  
“John...John...I, I'm so sorry, I didn't want to hurt you, I swear—” he tried to say, voice cracking.  
  
“Really? Have you ever loved me, Simon?” John cried out, angrily. “Was there ever anything real in our relationship? Or were you just looking for a fool who could support you with his money so you were free to screw your ex and go play the actor?”  
  
“You're unfair, now.”  
  
“Unfair? ME? Unbelievable,” he shook his head, disgusted. His eyes were watery.  
  
Simon didn't give up. He had to explain. “I did love you, John...I did. You came into my life and you healed my wounds, making my heart beat again. I really, really believed I could start again with you, but when I saw Jeremy again, I just knew that I was wrong, because...he's my soulmate, he...he really is.”  
  
“And who am I compared to a soulmate?” John asked sadly, mostly to himself, without really looking for an answer. Simon stood up from the couch and came up to him.  
  
“It's not your fault...you're an amazing man and I'm sure you're going to find someone—”  
  
“Oh, please, shut the fuck up! Thank you for your consideration, but the last thing I want to hear right now is my cheater husband telling me that I'm awesome and I'm going to find the right person!” he spat, wiping the angry tears that had slowly started falling on his face. “I didn't deserve this. I didn't deserve to be used as your second-best when you have always been the most important thing for me. I deserved your honesty, Simon!”  
  
“I know, I'm sorry, I—”  
  
“I don't want to hear another word from you!” he roared. “You know what? I need some air, now. And I don't want to find you here when I come home,” he took his jacket from the couch.  
  
“Are you kicking me out?”  
  
“What do you think?”  
  
“But—”  
  
“Get your things and get the hell out of here, Simon,” he said curtly and then left, slamming the door. Simon sighed and suddenly felt so tired. He was sad and sorry, but, at the same time, relieved because now he didn't have to hide and pretend anymore. He took the necklace from the table and then went to pack his things.  
  
The last thing he did before leaving was taking off the wedding band; he put it on the console, next to his keys, then he closed the door without looking back.

 

* * *

 

“Hi Jer, I'm sorry to show up here again, but—wow, what happened?” Simon was standing on the landing of Jeremy's place and noticed he was holding a pack of frozen peas on the corner of his mouth.  
  
“Hey Simon...oh it's nothing, just John came to say hi...I didn't even have the time to realize it was him that he had already hit me.”  
  
“Oh my God, I'm sorry! I swear I never saw him punching anyone, he's never been that kind of man.”  
  
“It's fine, I get it...I mean I wanted to do the same at your wedding so—ouch!” He had tried to laugh, but his face was still hurting. “But come in,” and he stepped aside to let Simon in. “He didn't take it well, I guess.”  
  
“Worse than we thought. He already knew, Jer...he had hired a private detective to follow us and he got all these pictures...” he sighed. “He kicked me out and I'm sorry I came here, I know we shouldn't but...” he stopped, lost. He could have asked Lilette to put him up, but in that moment all he needed was to be with Jeremy.  
  
“It's okay, you can stay here. Of course you can.” He smiled and hugged him. “Don't worry about Shelly, we'll figure it out.” Jeremy said to reassure him, but he was pretty worried about it, especially because in that situation it would have been even more difficult to break up with her.  
  
“Thank you,” Simon said still holding him. “It will be like old times, uh?”  
  
“Yeah, sort of”, he smiled. He felt things had just gotten even more complicated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lilette is Queen and I love her, so she had to come back. Also you can be sure that even if I didn't write a fluff chapter about their first month back together in secret, that's exactly what happened. 100% FLUFF. And sexy times, of course. I love my boys so much and they deserve the world.
> 
> I admit that I almost feel sorry for John, I imagine him as the perfect man, sweet and caring (and rich!) and all that jazz; but unfortunately he met Simon and for him no one can really compare to Jeremy.
> 
> Only one song as chapter inspiration: _Was I The Only One? by Jording Sparks_


	6. Lies will lock you up with truth the only key

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No matter how hard you try, Simon, Jeremy is still someone else's boyfriend...but for how much longer?

Simon couldn't even say how much he had missed preparing breakfast for Jeremy; he used to do it every day when they lived together, because Jeremy was a disaster and the only thing he could make were syrup-soaked pancakes; they had been living together for just few days now, but it already felt like home and Simon loved it.  
  
“Good morning, gorgeous,” Jeremy said, entering the kitchen.  
  
“Good morning to you too,” Simon turned around to him and: “Oh, you can't show up like that without warning, that's unfair and I feel attacked,” he said, blushing a little but still being unable to look away: Jeremy was shirtless, wearing only Bermuda shorts.  
  
“Why? What have I done?” Jeremy said with a smirk. “Am I really that distracting? I won't disturb the chef, pinky promise.” He came closer to Simon and stole a cherry from the bowl on the counter. He put it in his mouth, looking up through the lashes directly in Simon's eyes, which lowered on his lips. But Jeremy didn't kiss him, just licked his lips and then backed away, amused, sitting at the table. Simon hated how insanely teasing and hot Jeremy could be. He hated to love it.  
  
“I hate you,” Simon said, back to the two plates with waffles he was finishing up and trying so hard not to look at him. He felt Jeremy's eyes on his back.  
  
“Uh-uh,” he replied, biting his thumb. “Then why are you preparing me breakfast?”  
  
“Honestly I don't know,” Simon said putting the plates on the table and pretending to be annoyed.  
  
“Oh, you do...it's because I'm a hunk and you cannot resist me,” he winked and then literally attacked the waffles. “Oh my God, it's absolutely delicious, Si!”  
  
“The chef is happy everything is to your liking,” Simon laughed, followed by Jeremy. They ate in silence for a while, just smiling at each other and stealing food from each other's plate, then Simon said: “So... today's the day. Shelly's back.”  
  
“Yeah...but it's weird that she hasn't called yet to tell me what time she lands. I have to pick her up at the airport and I'm pretty sure the flight was a morning one. It's true that she didn't sound good on the phone lately, she was worried for her sister who's at the hospital, so...maybe it slipped her mind.”  
  
“I'm sure she'll text you later.” Jeremy nodded and Simon stood up to wash the dishes, suddenly uneasy. Shelly always had that effect on him. “Does she know I'm here?” he asked.  
  
“Yes. I told her that you had some problems with your husband and needed a place to stay...she was happy to know I had a friend here with me,” he tried to say that casually, but he noticed Simon's worried expression, so he came up to him and hugged him from behind. “Hey...don't worry, we'll find a way to fix this situation...you trust me, right?”  
  
“I do...I'm sorry, it's just...these days were like a dream, you know? Just you and me and I almost forgot she's still your girlfriend.” And the only one allowed to kiss you, hug you and be with you, he thought. He was already madly jealous at the image of them sleeping together in the other room or spending time together as a couple. Especially the idea of having to witness all of this drove him crazy.  
  
“I'm still yours, Si. I'll always be,” and he kissed him on the cheek. “I'll talk to her as soon as we are alone, so probably when you have rehearsal – is this tech week, right?”  
  
“Yeah, tech week. People is getting crazy already,” Simon joked.  
  
“I know, right?” Jeremy laughed, kissing him again quickly on the neck. Then they heard a phone ringing and Jeremy parted from Simon. “Oh, it's her. Hey babe! How are you? I was getting worried! So what time does your plane get in? I won't be late as usual, I promise. Wait, what does it mean you're not coming? WHAT? Oh my God...it's terrible, honey, I'm so sorry...listen, I take the first flight and-are you sure...? I mean I don't think the theatre is going to...oh, okay, fine. Is there anything I can do for you, anyway? I see. Stay strong, babe...I can't wait for you to be back here...I love you...bye.” Jeremy hang up, with a sad face, but Simon had already realized something was wrong.  
  
“So? What happened?”  
  
“Her sister died this morning.”  
  
“Oh.”  
  
“Yeah. She's going to stay few more days for the funeral...she doesn't want me to go there just for this, she says she can do it,” he said and then put his hand over his mouth. He had met Alice a couple of times before she had gotten too sick to travel and Shelly was really close to her. He could only imagine how heartbreaking it was for her right now and yet she still worried about him losing work days and having problems with the theatre. Jeremy felt as guilty as ever.  
  
Simon hated himself for asking, but he couldn't help it: “So, uhm...what are we going to do with...you know...us?”  
  
“Uh?” Jeremy wasn't listening, staring thoughtful at the floor.  
  
“Are you still going to talk to her, right?”  
  
“Yeah, just...maybe not as soon as she's back, you know...she's devastated already and I don't want to make it worse.”  
  
“I see. You're right.” Great, Simon thought, he's buying time and probably changing his mind. Who knows, maybe this thing will bring him close to her again. Simon didn't want to be so unsympathetic and yet he couldn't help it. Since when had he become like that? Maybe it was because of jealousy? All he knew was that he couldn't lose Jeremy again; but they loved each other, so there was no need to worry. He could wait a little longer, couldn't he? “Listen I have to go now, rehearsal starts early today. I'll see if I can call you on my lunch break.”  
  
“Okay. See you tonight, then?”  
  
“Yep.” Simon quickly kissed him and then went getting ready. Jeremy decided to go to the gym to let off steam; he needed a clearer mind to find a way to solve the situation without dragging it beyond measure. He was aware that the more time passed, the more difficult it became for him to not break everyone's heart one way or another.

 

* * *

  
  
Two weeks later things were far from solved. Shelly had come back and Jeremy had invited her to stay at his place “until you feel better, so you don't have to be alone dealing with this” and for her it had been surely a good thing, since she had her boyfriend cheering her up all the time, being so sweet and loving.  
  
For Simon it was a torture: with her living there, the rare times he could have some time alone with Jeremy, they always had to count out the minutes. Yes, they could hang out without her (a cold comfort), but waking up in the same bed was impossible, since that was Shelly's prerogative and Simon's jealousy would grow every day; the worst thing was that Jeremy wasn't exactly in a hurry to talk to her and Shelly, for her part, didn't seem eager to go back to her apartment.  
  
Too bad that Simon had something to say about it. One day, when he and Jeremy were alone because, after leaving Waitress, Shelly had gotten the ensemble for Hamilton and had rehearsal, he reluctantly decided to use that time to confront him. They were on the couch, Jeremy's hands all over him trying to take his clothes off.  
  
“We need to talk, Jer,” he said, while Jeremy was kissing his neck.  
  
“Oh, right now?” he replied between kisses. “Seriously?”  
  
“Yes, right now.”  
  
Jeremy snorted, but parted from him and crossed his arms. He couldn't believe Simon wanted to waste their time together by talking. “What's so important it can't wait?”  
  
“Are you really asking me that? You really have no idea?” Simon asked, raising his eyebrows.  
  
“No, I don't.” He actually had a feeling, but he didn't say it, just in case it was something else. Too bad it was exactly where Simon was getting at.  
  
“Shelly! When are you going to talk to her? It's been weeks, Jeremy! I mean I get that she lost her sister, but—"  
  
“She's still not over that, in case you were wondering!”  
  
“But she doesn't seem to feel that bad either.”  
  
“I didn't realize you were such a monster,” Jeremy hissed.  
  
“And I didn't realize you didn't have the balls to breakup with your girlfriend so you can finally be with me!” Simon shouted and stood up, losing his patience.  
  
“Talk about the pot calling the kettle black! John had to hire a private detective to find it out!” Jeremy stood up too, pointing at him.  
  
“I was going to tell him that day, you know that!”  
  
“That's what you said...” Jeremy frowned and crossed his arms.  
  
“Fine! Since we're laying our cards on the table, do you know what I think? That you don't want to talk to her because you want to keep it this way!” Simon shouted.  
  
“What...what are you talking about?” he asked, narrowing his eyes and shaking his head, confused.  
  
“I'm talking about how exciting and flattering it must be for you to have a girlfriend and a lover at the same time...I mean, why give away one of them when you can have both,” he said, inches from his face.  
  
“Oh my...now I REALLY have heard it all,” he laughed bitterly. “You're just jealous! So damn jealous!”  
  
“Shouldn't I be?”  
  
“Not if you trusted me!”  
  
“You're not doing much to prove me wrong.”  
  
Jeremy knew Simon was right and yet all he could do was putting off the breakup until the inevitable moment, because that would have meant having to face tears, fights, yelling, insults and acts of spite and he wasn't ready, yet. Also, he really believed it was too soon for Shelly to face another heartache. It wasn't an excuse. Nope.  
  
“I don't have to prove you anything!” he said, defensive and sat back on the couch, holding a pillow.  
  
“But you have to do something, or I…”  
  
“Or what? Please, you're threatening as a kitten.”  
  
“You're such an asshole.”  
  
Their bickering was interrupted by Shelly's return. “Hey guys!” she said, closing the door. Simon and Jeremy immediately fell silent, but she noticed something was wrong, since they were both sulky and looking in opposite directions. “Is everything okay?”  
  
“Oh absolutely!” Simon replied with a big, fake smile. “I was just telling your boyfriend that I admire him for his honesty and commitment...you're so lucky to have him, you know? Now, if you excuse me, I’ve got stuff to do. He's all yours.” And with that he took the house keys from the table and left, not before shooting a glare at Jeremy.  
  
Shelly looked at Jeremy with a furrowed brow. “What's…he talking about?”  
  
“Ignore him, he's having his period,” he sharply replied and then went to the other room, slamming the door.  
  
Shelly rolled her eyes, shaking her head. “Men.”

 

* * *

  
  
A few days later Simon and Jeremy still barely spoke to each other: Simon was pissed and Jeremy showed off an aloof attitude that exasperated the other boy, no matter how much Shelly tried to reconcile them (although she didn't even know the reason why they were suddenly in bad terms, since Jeremy didn't tell her); they did their best to avoid each other, but, as it always happened with them, it couldn't last too long.  
  
One morning Simon came back home after going to the grocery shop, loaded with shopping bags. He found Jeremy at the piano, playing something that resembled _Bare_ – no, it was exactly _Bare_ , the song they used to sing together, Jeremy usually doing Peter's part. Needless to say, _Bare_ was one of Simon's favorite musicals, so, of all the things he could play, Jeremy had probably chosen that one just to annoy the crap out of him, knowing he was about to come back from shopping.  
  
He stared for a moment, but Jeremy had no intention to stop and was clearly ignoring him; Simon coughed and said, annoyed: “I'm sorry to interrupt, but I'd really appreciate your help with this stuff.”  
  
“Oh, I'm sure you can make it by yourself, I'm busy right now,” he replied, without ceasing to play. Simon sighed, tired; the whole situation had become unbearable.  
  
“FINE, Jer! You won! I surrender! Are you happy now? We can't go on like this.” He was still pissed, somehow, but he couldn't take it anymore – the tension, the pranks and, of course, the distance between them. Jeremy was stubborn and he always ended up wearing you out, so you might as well make the first move.  
  
Jeremy stopped playing, but he still didn't turn around. “I didn't hear the magic words...”  
  
“I'm sorry...” he muttered between his teeth.  
  
“Excuse me? Have you said something?” he asked, now staring at Simon from the piano stool.  
  
“I'M SORRY! I overreacted the other day because I was jealous! And... I do trust you,” he sighed. “You feel better now?”  
  
“Yes.” Simon shook his head and Jeremy burst into laughter. “You have no idea how much fun I'm having right now.”  
  
“Oh, I think I do, instead. Now, can you please get your ass off of that stool and help me?” He picked up the shopping bags Simon had put down on the floor and they started straightening up the groceries in silence for a while, then Simon asked: “What's that stuff?” nodding at the five big boxes in the middle of the living room.  
  
“Express delivery for you,” Jeremy said, putting the last things in the fridge. “I think there's also an envelope that came with them...” and he looked around to remember where he had put it. “There it is,” he got it and handed it to Simon, who opened it and chuckled.  
  
“What's so funny?” Jeremy asked, curious.  
  
“Dear cheating bastard, I'm sorry it took some time to gather all your junk, but while you surely spent all this time in bed with your sweetheart, I had a law-firm to carry on. I would have been happy to attach the divorce papers, but, UNFORTUNATELY, we have to wait four more months to be able to allege a no-fault divorce. Don't thank me – honestly, I don't even know why I'm not going for the at fault one on the grounds of adultery. I guess I can't help but still caring about you in spite of everything and I hate myself for that. I sent you all your stuff so we can avoid to meet or talk before this farce of a marriage is over for good. See you in four months, ass,” then he throwed the envelope and the sheet of paper on the coffee table.  
  
“Wow. He's already over it, I see,” Jeremy commented, lifting his eyebrows.  
  
“Totally,” Simon laughed, then got serious again. “But it's okay, I get it, I mean, I've been a complete jerk because I cheated on him and I shouldn't have married him in the first place...but you know? He managed to make me feel even worse now, thanks to the divorce thing.”  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“If he had decided to go for the at fault one on adultery grounds, everything would have been brought out in the open, your name included, we should have appeared in court, with witnesses...it's quicker, but messy. So he made us a huge favor. Yes, you learn such things when you marry a lawyer,” Simon said with a laugh, then sighed. “I can't wait to be finally free, you know.”  
  
His words made Jeremy realize that he had to apologize too, for real. “Hey listen, uhm...I owe you an apology too...you were right, I've done nothing but hiding behind excuses and it's my fault if we're still, you know...lovers...I swear I'll talk to her tomorrow – today she's at the theatre all day for rehearsal and other stuff, so...” he came closer to Simon and took his hands. “It's not an excuse, I'll do it. Tomorrow. So we can be free...if not completely and legally, a little bit more than now, at least.”  
  
“Thank you,” and he kissed him. It had been just few days, but he had missed him so bad. “I missed you, you know that?”  
  
“Me too,” Jeremy replied, their foreheads touching. “Oh, and there's another news! I got a _Six characters in search of an author_ ticket! For a matinée I'm free! I wanted to come just to toss rotten tomatoes at you, but since we made up, you're safe.”  
  
“Oh, you’re so kind, thank you! I hope to remain serious, though, I still remember all your miming my lines...”  
  
“It worked, it's what matters,” he laughed. “And... there are other things we did and I hope you still remember...” and he started kissing his neck, hands under Simon's t-shirt.  
  
“I'm sure you can refresh my memory, just in case...like...right now...”  
  
“Why not?” Jeremy said with a smirk and took off his tank top, then drove Simon to the bedroom.

 

* * *

  
  
The morning after, Shelly was lying in bed next to Jeremy, awake, fiddling with his Tiffany necklace. They had just slept that night, she had claimed to be too tired to do more, but she actually seemed to be more nervous. Just like Jeremy in that moment.

“I have to talk to you.”  
  
“Me too,” she said, sitting up and smiling a little. “But not right now, I have to do some things first and oh, I'm already late.” Jeremy watched her getting out of bed and picking up her clothes from the chair. Did she know already? he thought, confused. No, it was impossible. Otherwise she surely wouldn't have been that calm and almost happy. “I should be back in few hours.”  
  
“Where are you going?”  
  
“Can't tell you! Bye babe, I love you,” and she kissed him quickly. Jeremy stayed in bed, staring at the ceiling...why did it seem there was always something preventing him from doing what he had to? But he was determined, that day; he wanted to be with Simon without secrets. Lost in his thoughts, he heard a knock on the door.  
  
“Come in.”  
  
“Hey! You're awake...”  
  
Jeremy sat up. “I'm nervous, you know...for...the talk,” he said, hugging the pillow. “I wanted to do it now, but she said she had something to do first, so...”  
  
“Yeah, I noticed she left already, I thought she didn't have rehearsal this morning.”  
  
“Not that I know of. Whatever,” he shrugged. “But why don't you come here? This bed is so big and I'm feeling alone...”  
  
“As you wish,” Simon smiled and climbed on bed. Jeremy cuddled up next to him, closed his eyes and Simon started kissing his hand. “Everything is going to be fine, don't worry.”  
  
“To me it looks pretty good already,” Jeremy looked up at him, swooning. “As long as I'm with you, I'm better than fine,” he murmured in his ear and then nibbled it.  
  
“Hey, why don't we leave this bed for once and go like have breakfast somewhere, for a change? I mean outside of these walls,” Simon asked.  
  
“Why? I want to stay here, I need love,” he mumbled, giving him quick kisses on the neck and chest.  
  
“Who are you? A nympho?” Simon laughed, forcing Jeremy's head to look at him.  
  
“I never thought it was a problem for you...anyways, it's not my fault if you turn me on,” he grinned, leaning in to kiss him on the lips. “Don't say you don't like it.”  
  
“But what if Shelly comes back?”  
  
“She probably went shopping, so I'm pretty sure she won't show up before lunch. Now, shut up.”  
  
They ended up never leaving the bed and hours passed between kisses, laughs, sex...they completely forgot the clock ticking and most of all Shelly, oblivious to the point of not even hearing the front door closing.

Jeremy was on top of Simon, sweaty and giggling, completely lost over him, when they heard a sudden noise; they turned around and saw Shelly stuck on the bedroom door, mouth wide open, staring at them. She had dropped a cake box – here's the noise – and now she was standing there, unable to speak. After few seconds that seemed hours she pulled back and left, shocked.  
  
Jeremy's heart stopped. “Shit! No, no, no, no, no, no... Shelly! Hang on!” and literally jumped out of bed, grabbing his pants and putting them on in a split second. Then he chased her and stopped her when she already had her hand on the door handle.  
  
“Wait, Shelly! I'm...I'm sorry, I'm so sorry...I wanted to tell you, just...please, look at me...I—”  
  
She suddenly turned. “I'm pregnant,” she yelled, shaking. “I'm pregnant, you bastard!” she repeated with a beastly cry that tore out his guts. She leaned against the door, slid down to the floor and then burst into tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear Waitress has nothing to do with the pregnancy 😄 
> 
> The tiny tiny tiny _Bare_ mention is [Cas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/randomascas) and Rise Discord fault.
> 
> The song that inspired this chapter are: _Smoke Gets In Your Eyes, Sierra Boggess // Cry Me A River, Justin Timberlake (but the Postmodern Jukebox version is SO COOL too)_


	7. Out of goodbyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy faces the consequences of his infidelity, but he forgets he's not alone in this and that a rope drawn too taut will snap.

It must be a nightmare, Jeremy thought. Now I'm going to wake up and find out that I didn't screw everything up, but simply broke up with Shelly as a normal couple does. No surprise babies. No spites. That's what Jeremy had kept repeating to himself for hours now, but no matter how many times he closed and reopened his eyes, the awareness of what had happened was still there and he couldn't wash it away. The scene was on a loop in his mind.

  
  
_“What?” he murmured, staring at her and still not realizing completely._  
  
_“You heard me,” she said between sobs._  
  
_“But...how did this...? I mean you were taking the pill, right?”_  
  
_“Yes, but...I've been sick last month, do you remember? I guess the medications made it ineffective, it can happen...I should have thought about it, I—”_  
  
_“Yeah, you should have had! How could you—”_  
  
_“Don't even start! I'm not the bad guy here, you cheating bastard!” she yelled, standing up and getting close to him. “We were happy and this baby was going to be an unexpected gift, but you ruined everything! Why?” and she started hitting him with both hands, getting more and more desperate and Jeremy didn't do anything to avoid her. “Why, Jem?”_  
  
_“I… I thought I had forgotten him, but I was wrong and when I saw him again I just...couldn't let go, I'm...I'm so, so sorry...” he felt worse at every word._  
  
_“Oh my God...” she stared at him, dumbfounded, finally realizing who Simon was. “It's him. That Simon...the...”_  
  
_“Shelly, I—”_  
  
_“...love of your life...I can't believe I had forgotten about him! So, have you been cheating on me for months?”_  
  
_“I...”_  
  
_“You even brought him here! I... this...this isn't happening for real,” she said, hands on her temples, frustrated and disbelieving. Then she went on, more like thinking out loud: “I had taken the test, but I wanted to be sure...and when the doctor this morning confirmed I was pregnant I was so happy I even bought a pie to celebrate, thinking about you making Waitress jokes about it...but I was a fool, wasn't I? Doing all of this when you were busy with someone else, instead...” she cringed._  
  
_“I wanted to tell you! I did! This morning—”_  
  
_“Oh, this morning! About bloody time!” she snapped. “Well, I wish you the best with your boyfriend now, because that's all you got left.”_  
  
_“What do you mean?”_  
  
_“I mean that I won't let you near me or my child. Not now, not ever.”_  
  
_“You...you can't do that!”_  
  
_“Watch me!”_  
  
_“Shelly, please! I know I've been an asshole, but I'm the father, I-”_  
  
_“I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE!” She was furious and, standing inches from her face, Jeremy could see how deeply she felt betrayed. “I don't fucking care! It's too late now!” she paused and sniffed._  
  
_Jeremy felt awful; everything he had feared was now happening for real, even worse than that! He started pleading: “No, no, it's not late and I know you hate me now and you won't believe me, but I still care about you...I really do...Shelly please listen to me, just tell me what can I do...I'm so sorry, I—”_  
  
_“Oh, you care about me? Like you did when you were screwing your ex in our bed?”_  
  
_“You can't say I've never loved you...you just can't,” he said, sincere. She glanced at him, without replying. “Shelly, this baby can't pay for my mistakes...are you really letting it grow without a father just because of what I've done?”_  
  
_“You won't make me feel guilty about my decision.” And she turned to open the door._  
  
_“I'm not, I'm just—”_  
  
_“Goodbye Jeremy,” she said harsh, standing in the doorway. And then, turning only her head: “I'll send Tanisha to pick up my stuff.”_  
  
_“Shelly, no, hang on! We're not finished talking—”_  
  
_“I hope you're proud of yourself.” And with that, she was gone._

  
  
And now, a few hours after that fight, he was sitting on a Central Park bench, waiting for Michael. He needed to vent to someone – not that Simon wasn't good for that, just Jeremy couldn't really have this conversation with him, not yet at least. Michael had no problems at telling him off, he always had the best advice and he was less scary that Lilette, who would easily yell at him in public. Or hit him.      
  
“Hey,” Michael said, sitting next to him. “So, what's the emergency?”  
  
“Hey. Uhm...I pretty much screwed up everything in my life and I don't know what to do.”  
  
Michael laughed. “You're such a drama queen”  
  
Jeremy sighed. It was going to be a long talk.

 

* * *

  
  
“Okay, so let me understand...she's pregnant and wants to exclude him from the baby's life and you found out not because he talked to you about it, but because you eavesdropped,” Lilette said, looking at Simon, who was sitting in the kitchen holding a glass of iced tea that he hadn't even touched.  
  
He had come to her completely lost for advice, because after the fight with Shelly, Jeremy had simply been silent for a while and eventually left without a word; Simon didn't know what to think.  
  
“Not that I could avoid that, since they were yelling to each other,” he shrugged.  
  
“But it's weird. Now that you've been caught,” and here she couldn't help but stress the fact with a harsh look, “why should he avoid you? I mean, you're together in this.”  
  
“I don't know...he's keeping me out, but I'm not a stranger, I love him and if something's wrong I want to be there for him, you know?“ His voice trembled a little because he remembered that he, Simon, had done the same three years before; he had excluded him from his life and it had ended up very bad. How could he forget? He still hadn't forgiven himself completely.     
  
“Maybe...maybe he just needs to reflect. Alone. It's a pretty big thing.”  
  
“Or maybe he blames me for what happened,” he said bitterly.  
  
“What? Why?”  
  
“Because I'm the reason why he cheated on her and she's retaliating this way...and it's true, after all.”  
  
“What are you talking about? It's not your fault,” Lilette tried to reassure him, even though some way he had a point. A betrayed woman can strike back where it hurts the most and Shelly surely knew that Jeremy would love his baby since the first moment. “Why don't you talk to him first? Tell him that you're by his side no matter what. Maybe he needs to hear that and then he'll open up to you about what he wants to do.”  
  
“Honestly I'm not sure he knows it already. What to do, I mean...and I'm not sure I can bear his uncertainty either.”  
  
“Just give him some time, Simon! A baby is already a huge thing and he can't even be in its life!” Lilette couldn't believe that Simon didn't see that. She suspected he was already up to something, deep inside.  
  
“You don't know how these weeks were, Lilette! He was ready to talk to her one moment and then changed his mind the next, while he kept being the perfect boyfriend...it was a torture. Jeremy can be a pain in the ass when he's blunt and honest, but even worse when he's not.” Simon had stood up and was now walking back and forth. He was worried and discouraged.  
  
Lilette got close to him, making him stop. “It happened this morning and he didn't say anything yet, so...have faith. And talk to him! Listen to me, this time!” she smiled, putting her hands on his shoulders. “If he withdraws, don't give up. Let him know you're there and won't leave him.” She still had a weird feeling about Simon's intentions even though she didn't know exactly how to describe it; she knew him too well.  
  
Simon looked at her and nodded, sadly. “I'll try, but...if things get, you know...bad, can I stay here? I'm not saying that it will happen for sure, but just in case...if it's not a problem for you or Robbie, obviously.”  
  
“Sure. There's always room for my best friend...even if he's a mess!” She laughed and hugged him tight.  
  
“Thank you,” he murmured. “Now it's better for me to go, maybe Jeremy is already back home...I hope so,” he said letting go of the hug and heading towards the door, followed by Lilette.  
  
“Let me know how's going, okay? And Simon…” He stopped in the doorway and turned. “Please, don’t make rushed decisions.”  
  
“I won’t,” he replied, hoping Jeremy would have done the same.

 

* * *

  
  
“What does Simon say?”  
  
“He...we didn't talk about it. Yet,” Jeremy said, looking away embarrassed.  
  
“Really? You're such...” Michael shook his head. “Why are you guys so bad at communicating? Like, for real.”  
  
“I just found out this morning and I needed some time! You know he gets anxious and then I can't think and—”  
  
“He just hates when you are uncertain and…honestly? I hate it too,” he rolled his eyes.  
  
“I'm not uncertain! Well, not this time!” Jeremy replied, defensive. “Now I know what I have to do.” He glanced at Michael who was staring at him, serious. “I have to talk to Shelly, convince her I'm not a monster and that she can't separate me from my child because it's not only hers. I don't care how long it will take. She's stubborn but I'm worse...I won't abandon my son or daughter.”  
  
“And maybe don't forget to include Simon in all of this. I think he'd appreciate it.”  
  
“Okay, enough! I know!” He stood up from the bench. “I have to go, now. Shelly is hiding at Tanisha's and it's not going to be easy and – what are you doing?”  
  
“I'm coming with you, jerk. Tanisha is going to snap at you.”

 

* * *

  
  
Simon was walking back and forth in the living room, anxious as hell and his stomach had been in such a knot that he hadn’t had lunch either. He hadn't found Jeremy at home and, on the phone, he had told him he was with Michael and he was going to talk to Shelly or at least try to. He would be home soon, hopefully.  
  
Another hour passed and finally, around 4 PM Jeremy, came back, alone. He seemed exhausted.  
  
“Hey,” Simon said.  
  
“Hey,” Jeremy replied, throwing the keys on the table.  
  
“So... how did it go?”  
  
He crossed his arms and shrugged. “What do you think?”  
  
“I...I don't know, I thought maybe—”  
  
“She didn't even open the door. Actually, I'm kinda lucky that Tanisha didn't chase me with a knife or something. That girl is nuts.”  
  
“Oh. I'm sorry...”  
  
“That she didn't kill me?” Jeremy said, lifting his eyebrows, almost amused. For a tiny second it seemed like everything was back to normal, with him making fun of Simon and ending up kissing him because he was so adorable when he pretended to be offended.    
  
“No, of course not!” Simon smiled, embarrassed. “I meant that you didn't have the chance to see her and talk to her.”  
  
“Yeah.” The semblance of normalcy vanished and Jeremy added, rubbing his hands: “Uhm...I'll go take a shower.” And then headed towards the bathroom.  
  
“That's it?” Simon shook his head and his tone was so harsh that made Jeremy stop and turn around.  
  
“Excuse me?” he raised his eyebrows.  
  
“That's it, that's all you have to say...?”  
  
“I'm sorry, but...what do you—”  
  
“Oh, 'c’mon! Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about!” he burst out. Simon hated when Jeremy did that.  
  
Jeremy knew there was no chance to avoid the subject now, but he felt it wasn't going to end well. So he sighed and tried anyway: “Look, I don't think it's the moment to—”  
  
“Why I'm not surprised?” Simon's voice had that hint of sarcasm that used to make Jeremy go mad, like he was the only one who knew everything and could judge him.  
  
“You know what? Fuck you, Simon! You have no right to judge me! You know the hell of a day I had!” he shouted.  
  
“Actually I don't because you didn't fucking talk to me! You talked to Michael, when _I_ was the one here with you! I know that Shelly is cutting you out from your child's life only because I eavesdropped!” Exasperated, he spread his arms.  
  
“Don't play the victim on me.”  
  
“What about you, instead?”  
  
“WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? The world doesn't revolve around you, give me a break!” A hand on his mouth, he sighed.  
  
“What do I want? I want you to stop keeping me out! I can't be there for you when you need me if you don't talk to me...and I know better, because I made the same mistake three years ago and...” Simon couldn't finish the sentence; he lowered his eyes, biting his lips.  
  
Jeremy felt bad and tried to say, calmer: “Listen...I was going to tell you about it tomorrow, I have a plan to fix this and—”  
  
“Are you getting back with her?” Simon asked drily, but without looking at Jeremy.  
  
“No... of course not!” he shook his head, confused. “I'm going to show her I want to be there for my child, because, no matter what happened, I want to take on my responsibilities and if this means I'll have to show up every day at her door until she's willing to listen to me, then that's what I'll do”.  
  
Simon nodded. “But what if she forgives you and then you're going to be a father and this brings you back together or—”  
  
“Don't be ridiculous...”  
  
“Or what if she asks you to leave me? What if this is her condition? Would you do that?” he cried; the very idea swept him off his feet.  
  
Jeremy was in disbelief. “Are you really asking me to choose between you and my child? Do you think I would—”  
  
“Forget it...I think I got my answer.”  
  
“Sure, you always know everything, right? Well, you don't!” he uttered, resentful. “Because if you did, you'd...” his voice trembled and he wasn't able to finish. “You're not going to make me feel bad about trying to do the right thing, for once,” he murmured.  
  
“And I was a mistake, wasn't I...” Simon's voice was more like a mumble. “You’ve said it since the beginning...”  
  
“Stop making this about you!”, Jeremy burst right on his face. “She's having my baby, Simon, and I won't give up without a fight! It's my fault, I... I screwed up everything because of—”  
  
“Because of me, right? Go ahead, say it!” Simon spat.  
  
“What? No! I wasn't going to say that! What's wrong with you?” Jeremy yelled back. He couldn't believe his ears.  
  
“Then tell me!”  
  
Jeremy was so done with this. “No, I'm done! Fuck you! I won't stay here listening to you yelling at me!”  
  
“Oh, don't bother! It's your house, I'll leave,” Simon said livid and left slamming the door.

 

* * *

  
  
It was 10 PM and Jeremy finally heard the keys in the door. He had tried to call Simon so many times in those hours, but he had never answered; the anxiety was eating him alive.    
  
“Simon! Finally!” he rushed into Simon's arms. “I was going crazy, you stormed out hours ago and you never returned my calls, I was so scared,” he finished with a trembling voice. “I don't want to fight with you like this anymore.”  
  
“I'm sorry, I needed to be alone to think.” And he pulled away, avoiding Jeremy's eyes.  
  
“About what?” Jeremy asked worried, wrapping arms around himself. He didn't like Simon's tone.  
  
“About this thing with you and Shelly and the baby...and about us too...” he paused and sighed. “I decided to leave, I'm going to crash at Lilette’s.”  
  
“Wait, are you...are you breaking up with me?” his bottom lip quivered. He tried to reach for Simon's hand, but he backed away. “Please, Simon, I'm sorry about before...I'll fix this, I swear, I won't let her give me an ultimatum or ask me to break up with you, I—”  
  
“We need to take a break, Jer. There's too much going on right now. Your life has been shaken up, you have to figure out what you really want and you can't do that with me here. He knew that he was breaking Jeremy's heart and his own too, but it was the right thing to do, no matter how painful it might look.  
  
“I want you, I want us...” Jeremy pleaded. Tears were running through his face. “Look at me, Si...please...don't leave me...I love you.”  
  
Simon eventually looked up at him and had to resist the urge to kiss him, wipe his tears and tell him that he couldn't go anywhere because all he wanted was to be with him forever. “I'm leaving tomorrow...I'll sleep here, it's just few hours.” Then he went to pick up some clothes and put them in his backpack; he painfully thought that maybe not unpacking all his stuff had been a sign. When he came back Jeremy was still there in the living room. Simon laid down on the couch, eyes staring at the ceiling, but still perfectly aware of his presence.  
  
“Go to bed, Jeremy.”  
  
“Simon...”  
  
“Please, don't make things harder,” Simon said sadly, tired. He didn't look at him, but kept an unmoved face until Jeremy left. It was only when he heard the bedroom door closing that he burst into crying, putting his hand over his mouth so Jeremy couldn't hear him sob.  
  
But Jeremy wouldn't have heard him anyway; curled up on his bed all he could think was that he had lost everything. Shaken by sobs, he cried himself to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been difficult and painful to write: difficult because I didn't write scenes in order and I had to connect everything and I was like WHAT HAVE I DONE? And painful because I made my boys suffer in the end! 
> 
> The song which inspired this chapter is _The Mess I Made, Parachute_.


	8. Please let me get what I want this time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What would Jeremy do without his friends? Probably nothing. And Simon wouldn't be right back where he belongs.

It had been over a week and Jeremy was still feeling so down and numb that he basically spent all day in bed. He'd never left home and called in sick, so he'd missed all week performances – the idea of going on stage and perform in a show about love, cheating and babies made him feel even sicker than he already was. Some of theatre friends and colleagues had tried to call or text him, but he had barely replied and told them he was contagious, so he could be sure no one would come visiting him. The only person who had actually entered his apartment had been Tanisha and just to collect the few stuff Shelly had brought when moving in few weeks before, but she had pretended he wasn't there and left without saying a word.    
  
When he was hungry – and it wasn't that often – he ordered take-out food and didn't even bother to tidy up or throw out the leftovers. His apartment was a disaster, but that was how he was feeling, after all. He didn't even care to shave or change clothes. Simon was gone – again – so what was the use in looking good?  
  
Also, almost all of his stuff was still around the house and every time Jeremy spotted one of his t-shirts folded wrong in the drawer or his aftershave on the shelf or even looked at himself in the mirror, eyes on the S tattoo or the Tiffany necklace he now wore 24/7, he felt a stab of pain that nothing seemed to ease. He couldn't even talk to him on the phone, because he'd never pick up and even calling Lilette was useless: he refused to speak and she wouldn't force him.  
  
Jeremy felt overwhelmed and most of all scared, therefore his project of show up at Shelly's door and fight for his baby wasn't exactly moving forward...What if the attempt ended up failing? And would Simon come back with him? Why did everything have to be so complicated?  
  
That Wednesday morning the situation was as bad as usual and Jeremy dragged himself in the kitchen to make coffee. Luckily there was some instant left, but he couldn't find a clean mug in the sink or plate rack, so he opened the dishwasher to take one at random. Because of his poor eating – he had skipped dinner the night before – he was pretty weak and bending over got him dizzy; the mug slipped away from his hands and fell on the ground.  
  
“Shit,” he said, holding on to the counter to find back his balance. He closed his eyes and, when he was sure everything was back to normal, he opened them again and looked at the pieces on the ground, realizing he had just shattered Simon's favorite mug; it was easy to recognize it because it was the only plain white one, without drawings or writings, in the whole apartment (“Mugs are supposed to be funny, Si, not boring” “Simplicity is never boring” “I wonder how did I fall in love with you, seriously”).  
  
“No, no, no...” he rushed to collect all the pieces, but of course it was useless; it was impossible to fix. He sat on the floor, staring at the fragments in his hands and thinking that he had shattered Simon's heart just like that, all because of his lack of attention towards him and his feelings; Simon had slipped away from him, but he could still fix it or at least keep trying.  
  
So, in spite of all the previous failed attempts, he decided to call him again; he picked himself up, threw the pieces in the trash, forgot the coffee and went looking for his phone. Then he sat on the bed and, for a change, he decided to call Robbie. Maybe it was his lucky day.  
  
After who knows how many rings, Robbie finally answered: “Hey man! What's up?”     
  
“Hi Robbie, I... why are you whispering? Is it a bad moment?”  
  
“What? No, no...it's just...hold on a sec.” Jeremy heard him walking and then shutting a door. “Okay, now we can talk.”  
  
“What's wrong, why did you have to—?”  
  
“Listen, if Lilette finds out I'm talking to you, she's going to kill me. She told me not to even answer to you because she knows I'd tell you what's going on and it's not what Simon wants and all that jazz.”  
  
“Why...what's happening, Robbie?” Jeremy said, his voice trembling. “How's Simon? Did he say something or...”  
  
“No, that's the thing: he barely speaks...he leaves the house just to go to the theatre or for a walk, alone. The only thing that shakes him up and makes him smile a little is Beatrice, like he buys tons of stuff for her and spends hours at playing with her.”  
  
At least someone would still make him smile, Jeremy thought. “Does he ever mention me?”  
  
“No...Lilette avoids the topic and I have to do the same. But I'm pretty sure he thinks about you all the time. It's in his eyes, you know? Or in the way he sighs for no apparent reason,” he believed Jeremy needed to know.  
  
“You have no idea how bad I'm feeling since he left...I should talk to Shelly but I can't make it, not if he's not by my side, I...” he was almost crying. “I need to speak with him...can you put me through to him, please? Please!”  
  
“He isn't here, now. Anyway, what is Lilette doing? She's wrong, I'll tell ya.”  
  
“Wrong about what, Robbie?” Jeremy heard Lilette's voice in the distance and then Robbie gasping.  
  
“Nothing, baby, I—”  
  
“Don't call me baby.”  
  
“Okay, I...listen I have to go, man. Bye.” Robbie whispered to him and then hang up. Jeremy stood there, wiping the tears away and thinking that another chance was lost. He threw away the phone and curled up on the bed, hoping to fall back asleep in the semi-dark room.

 

* * *

 

“Who was on the phone?” Lilette asked, staring at an embarrassed Robbie; she had suddenly opened the door and was still standing there, baby monitor in one hand, so he didn't have a way out.  
  
“Uhm...it was...it was...my dad! Yeah, we were talking about...uhm...your decision not to go back to Stanton this summer, he said you were wrong and I was like no way, she's not wrong and—” he rambled, scratching his neck.  
  
“Robbie.” Lilette lifted her eyebrows. He stopped, mouth open.  
  
“Okay. Fine! It was Jeremy.” He closed his eyes like he expected to be hit, but, since nothing happened, he slowly, carefully opened one eye at a time.  
  
“Oh, guess what? I already knew that, I've been eavesdropping since the minute you closed the door. But I wanted to hear it from you.” And with that she turned and added: “We need a plan.”  
  
“A plan for what?” he asked confused, following her in the living room.  
  
“A college plan for Beatrice. 'C’mon, what do you think? A plan to solve this huge mess with Simon, Jeremy and the baby,” she put the baby monitor on the table and took her phone.  
  
“But...”  
  
“I know what I did these days, BUT it's clearly not working if Simon barely opens his mouth and spends the day with that sad expression, completely apathetic except for when he's with Beatrice and Jeremy – you don't have to tell me, I can imagine – surely shut himself away at home,” she sighed, hands on her hips. “I hoped these two had finally learned to make it by themselves, I guess I was wrong. We have to do something.”  
  
Robbie hugged her from the back and kissed her shoulder. “You're hot when you're scheming, you know that?”  
  
She slipped away, laughing. “Please, Robbie this isn't the time,” but he managed to steal a kiss anyway. “So, what are you going to do? Call the squad?” he asked, holding her in his arms.  
  
“Of course. Just few of them, though: Michael, Sasha and...yes, Jolene too.”  
  
“Jolene? You bring out the big guns,” he laughed.  
  
“Her _I-don't-give-a-damn-about-your-crap_ attitude is EXACTLY what we need,” Lilette grinned. “Oh of course you're enlisted too, I don't want to hear any excuses,” she pointed her finger at him.  
  
“But I have to go to work, my shift—”  
  
“Liar, I know it's your free day.”  
  
He sighed. “Fine! If nothing else, someone has to take a look at Beatrice when you're preparing for the mission,” he grinned.  
  
“Yep. Now excuse me, but I have to make some phone calls. We can't meet here, Simon could arrive any minute so...oh, it seems Beatrice is awake,” she said, pointing at the baby monitor. “Go get her ready for a walk!” And while Robbie headed towards his daughter's room, Lilette hit the call button on Michael's name.  
  
“Michael? Gather the troops, we're on a rescue mission.”

 

* * *

 

Hours later, Jeremy woke up to the insistent ring of the doorbell – why people didn't simply give him a break? The only person he wanted to see had left him and didn't want to talk to him, so everyone else could go fuck themselves.  
  
He buried his head in the pillow, hoping that whoever was out there would soon give up and leave. Unfortunately, they had no such thing in mind and started banging the door, so Jeremy reluctantly got out of bed and screamed from the alley: “Go away! Whatever it is, leave it out there!”. They insisted, though, so he got right behind the door and yelled again: “Leave me alone!”. The rings and bangs stopped, so he decided to go back to bed.  
  
He had made just few steps when he heard the keys turning in the keylock; he turned around and saw Lilette, Michael, Sasha and Jolene entering, followed by Robbie, pushing a baby carriage. Some of them carried shopping bags. Jeremy couldn't believe his eyes: was he dreaming? Maybe he had fallen asleep again without even noticing and now this was all a fantasy.  
  
“Oh my God, TRAVERS!” Lilette uttered, followed by the others.  
  
“Looking good, Jer...”  
  
“Jeremy?”  
  
“JerBear lives up to his name.”  
  
“Wow, man...”  
  
Jeremy blinked and shook his head, confused. He tried to say something, but only after rubbing his eyes he could put some words together. “Lilette...? And...you all? What are you doing here? And how the hell did you get in?”  
  
“Oh, I used the keys Simon gave to me because he knew you'd have never opened the door. I'm here to help you and I brought backups,” Lilette replied, nodding at the people behind her. “I knew this was bad, but not to this point...Jer...this house is a mess!” she looked around disgusted. There were empty pizza boxes even on the floor, the sink was full of dirty dishes and the counter clearly needed to be wiped from coffee stains and crumbs. It was also pretty clear that he hadn't bothered to open the windows and get some air in. “And look at you! When was the last time that you shaved?”  
  
“Or took a shower, too? Man's smell can be hot, but...there's a limit to everything,” Jolene added; she had come closer and she was sniffing him.  
  
“We need fresh air, like right now,” Sasha said and went opening curtains and windows; Michael did the same in the other rooms.  
  
Jeremy was slowly coming to his senses, realizing that his friends were really there and one particular thing about all of Lilette's words had got him: “Wait, what do you mean Simon gave you the keys...did he...? Did Simon really tell you to come here? For me?” he asked, not daring to hope too much but, at the same time, with his heart flipping in his chest. He hadn't even noticed Simon had taken the keys with him, so it meant he wanted to come back at some point and now he had given them to Lilette!  
  
“Of course he did!” Lilette nodded maybe a little too much strongly. “Did you really believe he didn't care about you anymore?”  
  
“Oh.” Jeremy smiled, embarrassed but relieved. “Yes...I mean, no, I didn't, well I hoped so...”. He scratched his head. “What did he say, exactly, like –”  
  
“We swore to not tell you,” Jolene said with a smirk.  
  
“Jo, please! Jer, we have more important things to do right now. Like you cleaning yourself up, first.” Jeremy tried to protest, but Lilette pushed him towards the bathroom. “I'll pick up some clothes and leave them on your bed, okay? Go!”  
  
Before going to the bedroom, she shouted orders to the others: “Robbie, put the baby carriage where you can check on it and start tidying up. Sasha and Jo, you set the table with the things we bought for breakfast. Michael, put the groceries away. I bet the fridge is empty.” She took a quick look at the squad at work and then went to the bedroom. It wasn't going to be easy, but they were going to make it.

 

* * *

 

“Guys, I'm home! And I have something for Beatrice.” Simon closed the door behind him, expecting to hear Lilette scolding him because he pampered his goddaughter too much; but that's part of the godfather's duty, right? And it helped him not to think about Jeremy.  
  
No one replied, though. Simon put the gift bag on the table and asked again: “Hello? Is anybody in here?” He took a look in the other rooms, but he was alone. Then he spotted a note on the fridge:  
  
_Hi Simon! We went out for shopping all together. Don't worry, we'll be back for lunch! PS: I reallllly hope you didn't buy another toy for Bebe (I know you). Love you!_  
  
Simon smiled. He liked to live with Lilette, but he knew it was a temporary thing – she had her family now and he wasn't a part of it, after all. He decided to take a shower, but then realized – looking for a clean t-shirt and without finding it (so he took one that wasn't too smelly) – that he needed to pick up more clothes.    
  
He still had Jeremy's keys, though, so he could have gone get them when Jeremy was at work, like that very night, for example (luckily his play and Waitress had different free and matinée days). There was still plenty of time, but he went to check anyways whether the keys were still in his backpack where he had left them; too bad they weren't there. It was so weird, he was sure he had taken them with him; he looked everywhere and still nothing; hopefully Lilette or Robbie had seen them.

 

* * *

 

After showering, shaving and eating breakfast, Jeremy was now sitting on the couch with all his friends staring at him.  
  
“Guys, uhm...I really appreciate what you did, but...can you explain me again why you came here? Because I'm not sure I got it,” he smiled, confused.  
  
“You, Simon, the baby,” Jolene replied. “We know everything.”  
  
“You can't go on like this, Jer. Remember? You told me you wanted to talk to Shelly and then? I bet you didn't do anything about it,” Michael crossed his arms.  
  
Lilette nodded, “Michael is right. We came here to shake you out and remind you that it's not too late to fix this. It's great that you have a plan! Now it's time to get it started. For real and no -” she made a gesture to stop Jeremy's attempt to interrupt her “- don't tell me that you were too depressed, because it's just an excuse and you know that.”  
  
“You don't know how I felt, okay? It's not an excuse, I –”  
  
“Bullshit,” Jolene shook her head.  
  
“Who are you all to judge me?” he yelled and stood up, giving them a surly look. Why did everyone always assume they knew better than him? He couldn't stand it, so he went opening the door and said: “Thank you for bringing me breakfast and tidying up, but I think you should go now. I can make it by myself,” and crossed his arms, waiting.  
  
Sasha got close to him. “Jeremy, we aren't judging you, okay? We just care about you.”  
  
Jeremy sighed, frowning. He had to admit they weren't wrong, after all – not about him making excuses, but about the fact that it was about time to actually do something to get his man back. And his child. He closed the door and said, “Okay. Where do I begin?”  
  
“Now we're talking!” Lilette jumped up, clapping her hands. “First you call the theatre and tell them you're feeling better and will be back to work tomorrow. Then you go to Shelly – she doesn't have a matinée today, does she?”  
  
“Nope,” Robbie replied while looking his phone. “Hamilton has only the evening show, today.”  
  
Jeremy took the phone Jolene was handing out to him and stared at it for a while. Then looked up at his friends and, almost moved, said, “Thank you, guys. For everything. I'm sorry about before, I...”  
  
“It's okay,” Lilette squeezed his hands. “We're all rooting for you.”  
  
Jeremy smiled, feeling optimistic for the first time since Simon had left.

 

* * *

 

Several hours later Jeremy was sitting on the landing of Tanisha's apartment, facing the door.  
  
After calling the theatre, Lilette and the others had helped him deciding exactly what to do (Jolene's plan of stealing a van and kidnapping Shelly on the way to the Richard Rodgers Theatre had been rejected) and what to say, so he was prepared and confident; too bad that, no matter how many times he had rang the bell, knocked or yelled at the door, no one had opened. But he was stubborn and he had time: Shelly had to go to work at some point, after all. He just hoped no one was going to call the cops –Tanisha would have totally done that, who knew about the neighbors.  
  
His patience eventually got repaid.  
  
A couple of hours passed and, at some point, he heard the door opening up: he looked up and saw Shelly staring at him, leaned on the jamb. She didn't look angry as the last time he had seen her, rather she looked pretty amused.  
  
“I knew you were stubborn, but not to this point.”  
  
“Shelly! Thank God!” Jeremy stood up and approached her. “Now you know that I really care,” he added with open arms and a half smile.  
  
 “Come in,” she moved aside and Jeremy walked in. “Don't worry, Tanisha isn't here.”  
  
“So we're free to talk.”  
  
“Yeah,” she closed the door and then sat on the couch. Jeremy did the same. They both were embarrassed and remained in silence for a while, Jeremy looking around with his hands on his tights and Shelly looking at the floor.  
  
“So-” “Listen-” they overlapped and then laughed nervously.  
  
“You first,” Shelly said.  
  
“Thanks, uhm...listen I'm so sorry for what I did. I should have been honest with you from the start, when I bumped into Simon for the first time, months ago. I let my feelings have the best of me, I –”  
  
“Jeremy...”  
  
“No, let me finish, please. I've been selfish and, instead of making things easier, I made them even more complicated. I hurt you and you didn't deserve that – no one did,” he paused and sighed. Here comes the worst part. “But it was my fault, not the baby's and it can't pay for that. I refuse to believe you're willing to give our child a life without its father just to take revenge of me. You're not that kind of person, I know you.”  
  
“I'm not. And I won't,” she looked up at him.  
  
Jeremy's eyes widened – he had hoped to hear that, but after a long talk and maybe even pleading. “Oh,” it was all he managed to say.  
  
“I was furious, hurt and broken the day I found out about...you know...I wanted to make you suffer so bad, you have no idea. But...I had plenty of time to think about us since I've been here. I always told myself that our relationship was a happy one, maybe not perfect, but not so bad either: despite our ups and downs, we worked. In so many ways. But the truth is there was always something that was missing and I knew it, I felt it and yet I always chose to ignore it. We were happy, after all, right? I couldn't even say what it was, exactly...until now, after seeing you and Simon together – no, not when I caught you,” she added and then stood up.  
  
“Did you...suspect something? About me and him...?”  
  
“Having an affair? No. I hadn't even realized he was _that_ Simon, remember?” she was looking out of the window. “I got it when we broke up...I've been thinking a lot, I told you,” she turned around and looked at him. “Here, all by myself, I thought back at all the times I've seen you together at home: the way you looked and smiled at each other, even the fights! It was different, something we – me and you – never had.”  
  
“But I did love you, I never lied to you about that.”  
  
“I know. I know. But you can't deny that what you two had and still have is a different story...do you remember what you told me about him, when we met? That—"  
  
“...I'd always thought he was my soulmate and the very idea of being wrong had shattered my heart,” Jeremy finished the sentence. He was still recovering from the breakup back then and didn't feel ready for a new relationship, so he wanted to be clear with her.  
  
“Yeah,” Shelly nodded. “We eventually got together, but your heart was never mine to keep and I can't blame you or punish you for that. I know you did your best and I did the same too, but the beautiful, amazing love story of your life isn't ours and I now have to accept it, I guess,” she rubbed her eyes with a half-smile. “Of course I'm not suddenly okay with you cheating on me, because I'm not. You should have been honest with me. But -” she put her hands on her stomach “- this baby has nothing to do with other people or how much I am hurt for what you've done to me and I know you're going to be an amazing father.”  
  
Jeremy stood up and got close to her. He was moved and put his hands on hers, which were still on her belly. “Thank you. Thank you so much, I'll take care of our child and I'll always be there for it...and for you, whatever you need. You can be sure of that,” he smiled and then hugged her; he wanted to reassure her because he knew how much it had cost her and how painful that decision had been. Shelly tensed at that hug and she drew apart almost immediately, avoiding to look at him. She had taken the decision to let him be a father, but acting already like they had friendly decided to part ways...no, it was too soon for that.  
  
“I'm sorry, I'm not...ready for this...” she said.  
  
“Of course, I get it, I'm sorry...” Jeremy stepped back and they remained in silence for a while facing each other, a little embarrassed; then he realized it was time to go. Shelly gave him back his house keys and told him she was going back to her apartment the following day. He got worried about her being alone, but she reassured him, not without making a little of fun of him being already the anxious father.  
  
After an awkward goodbye, Shelly showed him to the door and, when he was outside, he finally breathed again, for real. He thought that maybe these days hadn't passed in vain, if they had made Shelly reflect on what had happened without anger and resentment.  
  
Now he had to get Simon back.

 

* * *

 

Simon was browsing through his audition book, looking for the best pieces to bring at the Dear Evan Hansen audition his agent had just got for him in two weeks. It was his first, big Broadway audition and he was freaking out already – if only Jeremy was there to help him! Yeah, Jeremy...no, focus on the work, Simon! he told himself, shaking his head.  
  
His thoughts were interrupted by the doorbell. Lilette peeked out from the kitchen to say: “Can you go open, please? I'm busy...Oh, still looking at the book?”  
  
“Yep. I can't choose!” and saying that he stood up and went to the door; the bell had rung again. When he opened, he almost couldn't believe his eyes: Jeremy was standing in front of him, as handsome as ever, awkwardly holding a bunch of violets and white lilies.  
  
“Jeremy?”  
  
“Hi, Simon,” he smiled. Simon was still standing in the doorway, staring at him. “Can I come in? Please.”  
  
“Who's there?” Lilette said from behind Simon's shoulders, approaching. “Jeremy! What a surprise!” she lied with an enthusiastic face, since she perfectly knew he was coming – actually she had told him to: since the first part of the plan had gone well, he had to strike while the iron was  hot. Simon looked at her with a strange expression, but she ignored him. “Let him in, Simon”  
  
Simon stepped aside and Jeremy went in. “For you,” and he handed him the flowers.  
  
“Thanks,” Simon had already guessed their meaning. “Listen, Jeremy...”  
  
Lilette cut in, “ So...I'll leave you alone. To talk. Or kiss. Or not. I'm in Beatrice's room, if you need me, but I hope you don't, because you have to make up and – okay, bye,” she laughed, embarrassed for her rambling and then disappeared at the speed of light.  
  
Simon put the flowers on the living room table with a sigh, “Jer...”  
  
“I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Simon. For keeping you out of this and for ever letting you think that I would rather be without you...you're not a mistake, you never were. You're the love of my life and please, forgive me if I proved it to you in the wrong way. I promise it won't happen again,” Jeremy said in one breath and, when Simon tried to interrupt him, he added: “I talked to Shelly and we worked it out. It's all good now, she'll let me be a father for our child and no, she never asked me to leave you,” he took Simon's hands.  
  
“About that, I...I shouldn't have had, it was unfair to ask, I had no right, I...” he stopped, avoiding Jeremy's gaze, but still holding his hands.  
  
“You were scared and I've been awful, so the only really unfair one here is me,” he gently caressed Simon's cheek.  
  
“But—”  
  
“And the answer to your question is no. I would have never left you, even if she had asked me to. I would have kept fighting for my child, of course – and you know that I always get what I want in the end – but with you by my side.”  
  
Simon looked down; his eyes were watery. “I'm sorry I doubted you, I—”  
  
“I don't want to hear another word...or see you crying, okay? And –” he said, lifting Simon's chin, “— you're coming back home with me. Yes?”  
  
Simon nodded and Jeremy leaned in to kiss him softly, first on the lips and then on the cheeks, nose and all over his face. Simon giggled at the touch and when Jeremy hugged him tight, as if his entire life depended on it, he let himself go in his arms, the place where he belonged.  
  
“Also thank you for sending Lilette and the others to my place to check on me. Without them I'd probably be still lying on the bed crying,” Jeremy laughed, drawing apart. Simon looked at him, puzzled.  
  
“What are you talking about? I didn't send anyone.”  
  
“But she told me you did and that you had given her my keys!”  
  
“Your keys? No, I mean I can't even find them – hold on a sec...” Simon gazed at him, raising his eyebrows; he didn't say a word, but when Jeremy finally got it, they both turned and uttered: “LILETTE!”  
  
She slowly came out of the kitchen, hands together: “ _Sorrysorrysorrysorry_ , I know I lied, but it was for a good cause and it worked!” she started jumping up and down, clapping, and ended up hugging them both. She had spied on them the whole time from the other room and had to kept herself from screaming when they had kissed.  
  
“We're happy that you're happy, Lil,” Jeremy laughed, “but now how about we help Simon pack his stuff? It's time to go home,” he said, looking at him, and when Lilette moved away, he couldn't help but taking Simon's hand again, intertwining fingers.  
  
Heart bursting with love and joy, he felt that everything was finally how it was supposed to be. Little did he know that it was about to get even better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Angst is behind, the fluff ahead" [freely quoting and if you got it, I'm sorry already 😄]. Stay tuned for two more chapters, I gave my boys the happy ending they deserve!
> 
> It's a tiny detail, but I searched for flowers meaning and violets are associated with being sorry. White lilies add the sincerity/pureness of feelings meaning.
> 
> The songs which inspired this chapter are: _Special Two, Missy Higgins // Won't Go Home Without You, Maroon 5 // Ordinary World, Katharine McPhee._


	9. I see my future in your eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of Broadway musicals, karaoke, surprises and how another chapter of Simon and Jeremy history together begins on a stage. Special guest star: Katharine McPhee.

_TWO WEEKS LATER_

 

It was impossible to do something by yourself when Jeremy was around. And aroused. “Jer, please, I have to run through my pieces...the audition is in a few hours and I took a break only to have some coffee,” Simon laughed and trembled with pleasure at the touch of Jeremy's lips on his nape. He had started being clingy from the moment Simon had sat at the piano, but it seemed that trying to avoid him by leaving the room had been useless, since he had followed him to the kitchen.  
  
“I know, I'm coming with you to be your lucky charm...you're going to be amazing, but now you need to have some fun and that's why I'm here,” Jeremy said, as his kisses on Simon's neck became deeper and his hands started messing about with the pants zipper.  
  
“You're going to leave me hickeys, can you – oh my, stop,” Simon parted from him, zipping up his pants, flushed; not that he didn't want to, but he really needed to focus and it was already difficult because of the anxiety. Plus, Jeremy! Damn it, he was so distracting!  
  
“You're adorable when you're blushing,” Jeremy slowly got closer to him.  
  
“Don't!” Simon pointed at him, determined to stick to his guns and yet completely mesmerized. Jeremy put his hands up.  
  
“You look so innocent,” he was now inches from his face, so close that Simon could feel the warmth of his skin and smell his aftershave. “Too bad I don't buy it...”, eyes closed, Jeremy touched him lightly with his lips and then it was Simon, unable to resist anymore, who kissed him passionately. He let himself go for a while and then, reluctantly, parted.  
  
“Okay, we can't do this now.”  
  
“Why not?”  
  
“Because then I know I'm going to spend all morning in bed with you and I have stuff to do,” he replied, avoiding to look at Jeremy because, otherwise, he would have probably jumped on him right there. On the floor or off the counter or whatever. He shook his head to wipe the image from his mind.  
  
“Somebody disagrees with you...” and he lowered his eyes, lingering on the crotch. Simon put his hands in front of it.  
  
“Well, he'll get over it!” Now he was sure to be as red as a tomato and hoped the conversation was over. But Jeremy was a tough guy.  
  
“Okay. You don't want to take your clothes off...but while you do your run-through, I can always take off mine...you can stare if you want,” he straightened his spine and then turned around with a smirk, going back to the living room. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw Simon following him, so when he reached the other room he turned again to face him.  
  
“ _Touch me - just like that..._ ” he started singing, while slowly unbuttoning his shirt.  
  
“No, no, no, no...Jer....you –” Simon heaved a sigh, apparently annoyed, but actually amused.  
  
“ _...and that - oh yeah..._ ”, Jeremy threw the shirt to him, “ _now, that's heaven._ ” Then, always slowly, he took off his tank top and the necklace and took a few steps towards him.  
  
“ _Now that I like, God that's so nice..._ ” licking his lips, he put the necklace on the table next to Simon.  
  
“ _Now lower down, where the figs lie..._ ” and with these words he let his Bermuda shorts slip down and then kicked them away, remaining in his underwear. “You could take off what's left, but you said you're busy, so...” He was so close and took Simon's hand, putting it on his chest; Simon always had dry skin and Jeremy loved the rough touch of his fingertips.  
  
“The song was like your ace in the hole?” Simon said with a half-smile, his hand slowly moving downward; sometimes he still couldn't believe such a handsome guy was really his boyfriend. He never got tired of looking at him or touching him or get lost in his eyes.  
  
“Yeah,” he grinned. “Did it work?” he whispered, flirty.  
  
“It always does, you know that,” he grabbed by his head, hands in his hair and kissed him greedy and passionately, like he had never enough.  
  
“What about your run-through?” Jeremy asked between kisses, with a smirk.  
  
“The hell with it,” and he pushed him towards the bedroom. Living with him again without secrets? He couldn't ask for better.

 

* * *

  
  
Jeremy had forgotten how beautiful it was to walk around the city holding Simon's hand, like any other normal couple and not like one that's having an affair and is always looking over their shoulders, afraid to meet someone they know. Three years had passed since the last time they had done this and yet it seemed like they had never left each other, somehow.  
  
He still used to drag him right and left every time he spotted something interesting or had an idea about a place to go; he kissed him all of a sudden, in the middle of the sidewalk or took pictures of him when he wasn't aware, looking at a window or lost in his thoughts. Jeremy could finally do this and more all over again and sometimes he was so happy that he almost felt like hugging random people or bursting into a song on the street.  
  
Now they were almost at the audition place, waiting at the crossroad for the green light, and Jeremy was staring at Simon, who noticed it.  
  
“What?”  
  
“Nothing. I just think you're handsome,” Jeremy replied and kissed him on the cheek, smiling.  
  
“Uh, thanks...you're not that bad either,” he winked and laughed. It reminded him of when they first got together in high school and went public: Jeremy was so sweet and adorable that Simon felt like the luckiest guy in the world; it helped him to forget his father's attitude and Jeremy knew it, so he always did his best to make him feel loved.  
  
Once on the other side of the road he casually asked: “Listen, I was wondering...when's the next Waitress karaoke? Are you hosting it, right?”  
  
“Yes, with KATHARINE GODDESS MCPHEE and I'm literally freaking out already! It's next Thursday, after the evening show. Why? Are you coming?” Jeremy's eyes widened.  
  
“Lilette and I are thinking about it, we could do a duet...”  
  
“Really? I hope they pick you! I can only imagine you, me and Kat on the same stage and OH MY GOSH,” he covered his mouth with his hands. “I didn't tell you the big news! I'm going to be Ogie full time for a month, starting next Tuesday until the first week of October, when Alex Wyse comes back!”    
  
Simon raised his eyebrows, open-mouthed. “What? It's amazing!” and hugged him tight. “You're going to be a principal on Broadway!”  
  
“My legs are already shaking, I mean, doing it for few performances here and there is a thing, but eight shows a week? For a month? I hope I'll make it,” he laughed nervously.  
  
Simon grabbed him by his shoulders. “Are you kidding? It's your role, of course you'll make it!” And taking him arm in arm they started walking again; in few minutes they eventually reached the audition place and there were a lot of people waiting outside. Anxiety – the real one – was kicking in now that he was there. He tried to dry his clammy palms on his t-shirt.  
  
“Hey, Si. Look at me. Forget about all these people. You're amazing and there's no one else like you. Go in there and win them all, okay? I believe in you,” Jeremy said, cupping Simon's face in his hands.  
  
Simon nodded. “Thank you. For everything.”  
  
“There's no need to thank me, I'm not telling you this just because I love you, but because it's the truth and you forget it, sometimes. Now go! I'll wait for you out here. Break a leg!” He gently pushed him towards the door.

Simon smiled at him and thought that yeah, he was still the luckiest guy in the world.

 

* * *

  
  
“I'm exhausted!” Simon uttered, walking into the apartment hours later and immediately diving into the couch facedown. The audition had gone well – or at least he hoped – but now all the nervousness he had piled up was having the best of him, draining his energy. “I just want to sleep until tomorrow,” he mumbled.  
  
Jeremy closed the door shaking his head. “And it was just the first one. What are you going to do at the callbacks?”  
  
“Why are you assuming I'm getting a callback?”  
  
He snorted. “That's not the spirit, Si. You should like, _feel_ that cast on your arm already! Imagine your nails with black polish or wearing glasses! Imagine, Simon! Imagine!” and he started poking him, just to annoy him a little bit.  
  
Simon took his hands, laughing. “Stop it!” And then pulled himself up. “Don't you have to go to the theatre?”  
  
“In two hours. You're stuck with me for a little bit longer,” he quickly kissed him. “I'm starving. Do you want anything?”  
  
“Nope, thank you.” Jeremy went looking for something to eat and Simon's phone rang.  
  
“Hey Lilette. What's up?” he could hear the radio in the background, together with traffic noises in the distance.  
  
“Guess what I'm holding in my hand right now? That I just picked up?” she could barely contain her excitement.  
  
“Is it..?”  
  
“YES! They called me like twenty minutes ago and I rushed over. I'm still in the taxi but I couldn't resist, so I called you.”  
  
“Thanks. And also for doing this for me,” he lowered his voice, checking that Jeremy wasn't coming back, “I mean I couldn't risk, you know...”  
  
“Of course, don't worry. Are you nervous?”  
  
He grinned. “Yes, I am, but I can't wait. Really. Next week can't come fast enough!” His heart was already exploding at the idea. He hoped not to stumble or do something stupid.  
  
“I'm not sure I'll be able to control myself, I warn you!” she giggled. “Too bad the others from the troupe can't make it.”  
  
“Well, we couldn't rent the place just for us!”  
  
“I know, but still...anyways, Robbie is going to be there to record everything. But –” she gasped “what if they don't pick us to sing?”  
  
Simon had considered the possibility and at first, he'd worried, but he was a man of many talents. “We can make it. I have a plan B, I'll tell you in person when we're alone, though, not on the phone.” He was still whispering, just in case.  
  
“Okay. I wish it was Thursday already! Bye Simon!”  
  
“Me too. Bye!” He hung up with a smile – why time couldn't fly? He was lost in such thoughts, when he noticed Jeremy was staring at him, crunching some chips. Hoping he hadn't listened to the conversation, he tried to play it cool, “Oh, chips...can I have some?”  
  
“Not if you don't tell me who you were talking to,” and he put another chip in his mouth.  
  
Simon laughed nervously. “It was Lilette, we...we can't wait for the karaoke, you know?” he said, scratching his nose.  
  
Jeremy got closer. “Uh-uh...that's it?” he raised an eyebrow.  
  
“Yeah, yeah, of course...”  
  
“Then why were you whispering?”  
  
“Uhm...she...she didn't want to wake up Beatrice and I lowered my voice too,” he concluded with an awkward smile, trying his best to not sound too weird. Or a liar.  
  
Jeremy kept staring at him in silence for a while, narrowing his eyes suspicious. “I know you're up to something and don't think I won't find out what it is, so watch your back, Saunders.” He ate the last chip, then crumpled the pack and threw it at Simon. “I'm going to warm up a little, now. But I'm watching you.” And then sat at the piano for some vocalizing.  
  
You won't have to wait long to know, Simon thought.

 

* * *

  
  
The following week, at the karaoke, the audience was particularly warm and it had been the same also during the show. Jeremy loved this unique thing Waitress did and, even when he wasn't co-hosting (which happened most of the times), he liked to stay and watch, sometimes on stage behind the band or sat in the orchestra. People's love was heartwarming.  
  
He didn't know whether Simon and Lilette were going to sing or not, all the picked-up people were waiting off stage and you basically met them only when they had to sing.  
  
“And now the last one...oh, I'm sorry it's already over, it's been awesome, you know?” Katharine McPhee said and the audience cheered, excited. “What do you think, Jeremy?”  
  
“I totally agree, we have the best audience and singers!” the audience cheered even louder. “Too bad we can have just one more of you for tonight, but, hey, I hope to see you at the next one.” And he got several yeah as reply.  
  
“Actually, it seems it's a couple...hello! What's your name?” Katharine asked to the two people walking on stage. Jeremy grinned.  
  
“Hi everyone! I'm Simon,” he said in Katharine's microphone. Lilette had her own already.  
  
“And I'm Lilette. It's so cool to be up here, thank you for picking us!” she said with a huge smile. She was so excited, it was still a Broadway stage!  
  
“Thank you for coming! What you're going to sing – oh, wait, I actually know it, because I have the note here, sorry,” Katharine laughed and the audience did too. “ _I Love You Like a Table_! So sweet! It's also Jeremy's favorite song, right?”  
  
“Yeah,” Jeremy nodded. Apparently, Simon remembered it too.  
  
“Do you need this?” she pointed to the music stand. “No? Okay then. Stage is yours!” A crew member had just given Simon a microphone, so she and Jeremy stepped aside.  
  
The band started playing and Jeremy couldn't take the eyes off of Simon, thinking he would have made a super cute Ogie: he didn't simply sing the song, he added his own interpretation of it and, even if Lilette was more a Jenna than a Dawn (once Jeremy had heard her singing _She Used to Be Mine_ and he still had goosebumps), it was fun to see them duetting as a couple who was getting married. Maybe it could inspire Robbie to tie the knot?  
  
“ _I was ordi-nary_  
_But with your love, you see_  
_I am a po-o-o-o-o-oem writer_ ”  
  
Katharine and Jeremy were sitting on the diner stools and, since Lilette was stage right too, Simon could easily overlook her and glance at him once in a while – actually most of the time, so it looked like he was singing the song to him and not to her; Lilette didn't mind and kept smiling the whole time.  
  
“It seems you made an impression...” Katharine whispered in his ear.  
  
“Ha! No, I mean...he's my boyfriend, so...and she's my friend,” he whispered back and she widened her eyes. She wanted to say more, but the song was almost at the end.  
  
“ _Promise to as best we can_  
_Say I do and tell you that when I see you_  
_I'll want to again_ ”  
  
The audience burst into applause and cheering and Katharine stood up, followed by Jeremy.  
  
“Thank you! It was terrific! Right?” she asked and the people went louder. “Thank you everyone so much! It's been a blast and we -”  
  
“If you don't mind, I've something to say, uhm...I know it's late, I promise I'll be brief.” Simon cut in with a nervous laugh. “Jeremy, can you please come over here for a sec?”  
  
Jeremy got closer, a little bit puzzled; he remembered Simon was up to something and hoped he hadn't decided to embarrass him in front of all those people and colleagues. Because in that case...Simon was a dead man.  
  
“I chose this song because I knew it was your favorite. I don't sing it as well as you do, but I did my best,” he laughed.  
  
“Of course you did,” Jeremy smiled, then he saw Simon looking at Lilette and her encouraging him with a nod. What the hell was happening?  
  
Simon took his hands. “But also because I really want to be someone who you can count on always. I want to be your strength when you feel weak or lost and I want to do it for the rest of my life – our life – if you’ll let me.”  
  
Jeremy's heart was racing, now. “Simon what are you – oh shit,” he gasped. Simon had kneeled down and was now holding a tiny box. The audience went wild and Lilette made a noise that didn't even seem human.  
  
He opened the box and said: “Will you marry me?”  
  
Jeremy's heart skipped a bit. He opened his mouth and then covered it with his hand; the chaos surrounding them was insane, but for him the theatre had suddenly disappeared: it was just him, Simon and their love.  
  
“YES! Yes! Of course I will!” He nodded, laughing and crying at the same time. He was shaking. Lilette immediately got their microphones, then Simon took Jeremy's hand and put the ring on it; when he stood up Jeremy grabbed his face and kissed him like his whole life depended on it, like he was air.  
  
“You are crazy, like completely crazy. And I love you, I love you so much,” Jeremy said, still holding him in his arms.  
  
“I love you too.”  
  
“Oh my gosh! Congratulations guys!” Katharine said, but her voice was almost covered by the noise and the band even started playing a reprise of the song.  
  
She then wished the audience goodbye and goodnight and, while people were leaving the theatre, other cast members as well as the band approached them to congratulate. Jeremy couldn't understand anything, so he simply replied “Thanks!” to everyone. Lilette literally jumped on them and hugged them.  
  
“I'm so happy for you! And we have to celebrate now! I'll call the others so we can meet somewhere. Robbie, you took the video, didn't you?” she asked him from the stage. He was waiting below.  
  
“Yep, it's all recorded: the song and the proposal. Congratulations, guys!” he shouted.  
  
“Thank you,” Simon replied, squatting down to shake his hand.  
  
“Thanks, Robbie. Yeah, I just have to take my stuff, why don't you all wait for me at the stage door?” Jeremy said and leaned in to kiss Simon again; it was supposed to be quick, but the other boy didn't want to let him go.  
  
“Si, please...” Jeremy laughed. “I'll be quick, I promise.” He turned around and headed stage right to go back to his dressing room, thinking that, if it was a dream, he didn't want to wake up.

 

* * *

  
  
Later that night, cuddling in bed, Jeremy couldn't stop looking at his ring: titanium, with three small diamonds. He loved it just as he had adored the proposal and literally everything that had happened that day. Now he loved to be there in bed with Simon, even the smell of his cologne and the way he was gently stroking his hair; he was so happy he couldn't sleep.  
  
“I can't believe we're engaged. I mean...we're ENGAGED.”  
  
“Do you want to say that again?” Simon laughed.  
  
“We're _engaaaaaged_!” he started giving him little, quick kisses all over his face and Simon giggled. Happy Jeremy made him happy too and his heart was already bursting with love – they were in their bubble and didn't want to get out. “How long have you been planning this?” Jeremy was so curious, he hadn't suspected anything.  
  
“Uhm...I guess since the day I came back here? Even though back then I had only decided I wanted to do it, Lilette knew it, but I didn't have plans and such. Then you said you were co-hosting the karaoke, I told Lilette because I knew she wanted to participate and she suggested I’d propose you there. At first I thought she was crazy, but it had been done before and after all everything between us began on a stage, so...why not?”  
  
“And how did you know the ring size? It fits perfectly.”  
  
“I stole the one you sometimes put on your right ring finger.”  
  
Jeremy gasped as if he was shocked. “You little schemer! And thief! Right under my nose and I didn't notice,” he said and started tickling Simon. “You even made Lilette do the dirty job for you!”  
  
“Of course, since I had to wait for it to arrive in the right size and I already had some trouble with jewelry stores...please stop!” he replied, laughing to point of tears, and Jeremy eventually took his hands off of him. He caught his breath, wiped his eyes and said: “Anyways I can call you fiancé, now.”  
  
“Same. Fiancé...” he repeated. “I love the way it sounds...speaking of that, I have to buy you a ring, now. You need to have yours too.”  
  
“Never mind, Jer...”  
  
“No, everyone has to see that you're already taken,” he replied with a smirk.  
  
Simon raised his eyebrows, “But I'm going to break all of my suitors' heart! They still had hope, you know,” he joked. Jeremy pulled his ear.  
  
“Ouch!”  
  
“Jerk.” He laughed and laid his head on Simon's chest again. They stayed like this for a while, as if the only sounds they needed to hear was their breathing. At some point Jeremy broke the silence: “You know, if anyone had told me months ago that I was going to have an affair with you, break up with Shelly while having her child and then get engaged with you on a Broadway stage, I would have called them nuts.”  
  
“Me too. But you know what they say? That what's meant to be always finds its way back to you and it's true. We thought it was over and then? Here we are, together.” Jeremy raised his head and looked at him, biting his lip, suddenly looking sad. “Hey...what's wrong?”  
  
He lowered his eyes, “I'm sorry for all those times I hurt you, I –”  
  
“I had my faults too, Jer. But now let's focus on our future, shall we? I'm sure it's going to be amazing.”  
  
Jeremy looked up at him again and nodded. “I wish I could marry you tomorrow.”  
  
Simon sighed. “Me too. But we have to wait few more months to start the divorce proceedings...anyways, I want this to be perfect and we have lots of stuff to organize, so maybe it's not that bad,” he noted.  
  
They started sharing their wedding ideas and ended up spending hours looking on the internet for things that went from suits to flowers. It was almost morning when they eventually fell asleep in each other's arms and the last thing Jeremy thought was that yeah, their new life together was really going to be amazing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since my love for Waitress and Katharine McPhee I had to include both in this chapter. I'm aware that this story is set in 2028 and Kat is like 44, but to me she can still come back as Jenna (Sara Bareilles is 39 now and she plays the role, so). I wish I knew how a Waitress karaoke really works but I don't, so my only source were videos on Youtube.  
>  **Next chapter is the wedding, folks!** And I can disclose that's the longest chapter of all, I hope you'll like it 😊 
> 
> The songs which inspired this chapter are: _Perfect, Auli'i Cravalho_ (the only legit version existing for me, sorry Ed) _// Touch Me, Rise cast // Love You Like A Table, Waitress_


	10. Forever I'm yours, forever I do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wedding bells ring for Simon Saunders and Jeremy Travers and as if it wasn't enough, a new life comes into the world.

_EIGHT MONTHS LATER_

  
  


Another wedding, almost a year later: with its warm weather and a wonderful blue sky New York City looked more beautiful than ever, the perfect background for an outside ceremony at Central Park and this time it wasn't surely the worst day of Jeremy's life; he was nervous, sure, but couldn't wait to see Simon again to become his husband: sticking to traditions, in fact, Simon and him had spent the night before apart, with Simon crashing at Lilette's where he still was, getting ready for the ceremony.

Jeremy's parents and his older brother James had come the day before; they stayed at a hotel like the rest of both families, but now they were all there to help him, even though he wasn't quite certain about that.

“Mum! How is it possible that my shirt is still to iron? It was supposed to be ready like yesterday!" Jeremy yelled, shaking the hanger, half dressed and with the very strong feeling that everything was going to be a mess.  
  
“I'm sorry, honey, it must have slipped my mind, you've been asking me stuff over and over again since the minute we arrived!” she gently caressed his cheek. “There's no need to panic, I can do it now.”  
  
“But there's no time!”  
  
“Of course there is, don't be silly. It doesn't take much,” and saying that she took the hanger from him and immediately went to the ironing board which was already opened in the middle of the living room. Jeremy sighed and started walking back and forth.  
  
“JemJem is getting married, JemJem is getting married,” James chanted, bugging him by pinching his cheek.  
  
“James, what the hell, stop!” Jeremy shouted but smiling at the same time, removing his brother's hands from his face. “JemJem? Seriously? How old are you, seven?”  
  
“You loved that nickname, bruh!”  
  
“Actually, I hated it,” Jeremy said with a laugh. He knew James was happy for him, but would have never admitted it, so that was why he was acting like they were kids again. It was always brotherly love, after all, and it made Jeremy joyful. “Now why don't you help dad getting the place ready for tonight? I'd really appreciate it,” he smirked, rubbing his shoulder.  
  
“They don't need my help and you know I'm a disaster with such things”, he replied collapsing on the couch. Jeremy rolled his eyes, shaking his head. Then he heard his father calling him from the bedroom.  
  
“Wow, it's...perfect! Thanks dad!” he said looking around and grinned. He knew Simon would have liked it.  
  
His mother peeked through the door holding the hanger, which she hung to the handle of the wardrobe. Larry, her husband, left and she sat on the bed, gesturing Jeremy to sit next to her. He did it and she took his hands without saying a word, a huge smile on her face. She seemed moved. After several minutes, though, the thing was getting awkward.  
  
“Uhm...mum? Listen as much as I like...sitting here with you, I have things to do and you know, it's getting kind of late and...mum! What's wrong?” She had started crying and Jeremy never knew what to do in these situations.  
  
“Nothing, honey, it's just...my little boy's grown and is getting married and...” she sniffed.  
  
“You make it sound like a tragedy!” Jeremy laughed, trying to cheer her up, but she sobbed even harder.  
  
“I know, I'm sorry...but it's always difficult for a mother. You're never ready for this, no matter how many times you go through it,” she blew her nose with the paper tissue Jeremy was handing her.  
  
He remembered a similar scene at James's wedding a couple of years before. “But you're happy for me, aren't you?” he asked, even though he already knew the answer.  
  
“Of course I am! I've always thought you and Simon were perfect for each other...he's such a good guy, you're so lucky!”  
  
“Well, he's lucky too, I mean, where could he get another husband like me? He tried once and it didn't work,” he gently nudged her and she couldn't help but chuckle.  
  
“Yeah, he is,” she said, still smiling. The she became serious again. “I really wish you all of the happiness in the world, you deserve it.”  
  
“Thanks mum,” and he leaned in to hug her tight, feeling so happy and loved; even though living in NY was amazing, he missed his messy family. He missed his mum – yes, even her being a drama queen. He had taken after her, after all.  
  
After a little while she drew apart. “Okay, that's enough crying, but I can't assure you anything during the ceremony! Now get ready, I'll go doing my makeup again.” She stood up and her eyes lingered on the suit hung on the coat rack. “It's a very beautiful suit, you know? The cut, the color...you're going to look so handsome in that.”  
  
“Thanks! Yeah, it's beautiful...I mean I have to thank Gwen, she's the fashion expert, I'm kinda a disaster,” he laughed. “She almost gave us a lecture about that: she called this color _midnight express blue_ , while the bowtie is in _san marino blue_ , a lighter shade, saying they were perfect for us. Honestly, I didn't even know colors had such names! Oh, she also suggested us to match our outfits.”  
  
“Oh, sounds cool. I can't wait to see you together, then.” And with a gentle caress on Jeremy's face, she left him alone.  
  
He carefully started to prepare: from getting dressed to fixing his hair, from wearing the handcuffs to spray a little bit of cologne, slowly his anxiety became excitement. Eventually he took a look at himself on the mirror and smiled: not bad at all, he thought with a smirk.  
  
James knocked on the door and then opened without waiting for a reply. “I really hope you're dressed, because, unlike Simon, I don't want to see you naked.”  
  
Jeremy turned around and made few steps towards him. “Yeah, I know you can't handle my being way better than you. In every respect,” and lifted his eyebrows, adjusting the bowtie.  
  
“You wish, kid,” James replied and gave him a little slap in the face. “Anyways I'm not here for your ridiculous innuendos, but to say that if your majesty is ready, we can go. Your car has arrived.”  
  
“Great. Let's go.” He took a deep breath and then followed James. Their parents were waiting for them and Jeremy quickly looked around one last time to check that everything was in order and ready for when he would have come back later that day, with his husband (the simple word made his heart beating faster). Everything was going to be perfect, he thought closing the door.

 

 

* * *

 

“Simon! Can you please just stop singing? I'm trying to read my speech again, so I don't go blank when I have to officiate your wedding!” Lilette rolled her eyes for the thousandth time and waved a piece of paper in Simon's face, as he was approaching her to kiss her on the cheek.  
  
“Oh, stop it, you know that by heart already...and anyways, I can't help it, I'm HAPPY!” and with that he took her by the hand and started waltzing across the floor. Because it was true: he was so happy he couldn't stand still and he wanted everyone to know and feel the same as him; he wanted to sing and jump and scream from the rooftops that he loved Jeremy Travers.    
  
Lilette sighed, “You're going to crease my dress, Si...please...” she laughed, trying to not indulge him, but she wasn't very good at it.  
  
“Wait, the party already started without us?” Robbie appeared from the bedroom holding Beatrice, who was wearing a cute red satin and tulle short-sleeved dress.  
  
“Of course not, I would never party without my little princess,” Simon said, picking her from Robbie's arms and jiggling her, until Lilette, after helping Robbie with the tie, decided to put her in the stroll and gave her a rattle to play with. Robbie walked away to answer the phone.  
  
“So...is your dad coming to the wedding?” she asked, carefully.  
  
“Of course not, I mean, it was already huge for him to come last time,” he shrugged as if he didn't care much, when it wasn't so. “Now not only I'm marrying another guy, but I'm also divorced, so, you can imagine,” he hid his sadness behind a smile, but Lilette knew him better.  
  
“Have you told him how do you feel?”  
  
Simon bit his lip. “Not really. What's the point? You know him.”  
  
“But –”  
  
“Listen, I don't want to talk about him, okay? I have my mum, Emma and the rest of my family. And you all. I'm better than fine.” He had spoken with conviction and, even if Lilette wasn't really buying the fact that he really didn't care to have his father with him that day, she let it go because she didn't want to upset him or put him in a bad mood.  
  
“Ok, I'm sorry. It's your day, you decide.” She was about to say something else, when Robbie came back from the other room.  
  
“It was Michael, he said guests have begun to arrive already, so it's better for us to go. I think you should call your mum to check if she's already coming here to pick us up.”  
  
“Oh, she texted me minutes ago, she's on her way already.”  
  
He was ready, so, while his friends were putting the finishing touches on their outfits and checking if they were forgetting anything, he went to Beatrice's room (it gave him happy vibes) and sat on the armchair next to her crib. Eyes closed, he took a deep breath and then joined his hands thanking God for everything He had given to him in life and especially for Jeremy; he asked for protection and guidance to be the best husband he could ever be and the strength to face and overcome the bad moments – yes, he still had faith, and to those who questioned him about it since he was gay, Simon always replied that God loves us no matter what and that He doesn't make mistakes. It had taken a while for him to fully embrace this (especially at first), but when he had finally gotten there, it had been a revelation.  
  
At the end of this little prayer, he remained with eyes closed until Lilette gently knocked on the open door.  
  
“Simon, what are you doing here? Is everything okay?”  
  
He turned towards her with a happy expression and stood up. “Yep. I just needed to collect thoughts a little.”  
  
“Your mother just arrived and she's waiting for us. Wow, Si...you look really handsome with this suit, Gwen's help has been a godsend,” she patted his jacket smooth, a proud mama look on her face.  
  
“Okay, contrary to popular belief, I am NOT a fashion disaster. Jeremy is. But I'm not,” he raised his eyebrows trying to be serious.  
  
“Mmh-mmh,” Lilette nodded slowly, trying not to laugh.  
  
“Gwen did an amazing job with suits and colors and everything, but I could have done it by myself.”  
  
“Yes, of course. I won't contradict you on your wedding day,” she giggled and Simon did the same.  
  
Robbie's voice interrupted them. “Guys! We have to go.”  
  
“Yep. Got everything?” Simon asked.  
  
“Yes, the ring box and vows booklet are here,” and he showed him the little bag he had in his hand. “What do you take me for? Am I your best man or not?” he asked, amused.  
  
“I know, I'm sorry,” Simon chuckled. “'C’mon, let's go.”

 

* * *

  
  
The Cop Cot was amazing indeed, Simon thought: up on a hill, with its wooden structure and the sunlight coming through the roof – which wasn't entirely covered with the foliage yet – it had a unique feeling that made everything almost magical, like you were in a fairytale. It was intimate and when they had visited the location the first time, Jeremy had said that having family and friends all around you was going to feel like being hugged by them; now Simon had to admit he was right.  
  
Standing just outside of it and walking back and forth, he glanced at the guests quietly chatting in the shade: it was so nice to see his and Jeremy's family had managed to connect and now were there together to celebrate them.  
  
There were also all the troupe friends and even some Waitress and Dear Evan Hansen castmates – yes, Simon's audition had gone very well just like the various callbacks and so eventually he had been cast as Evan/Connor/Jared understudy. He had gone on once as Jared and another time as Connor already, but unfortunately both times Jeremy had missed it because he had his own show.  
  
He glanced at the point from where Jeremy was supposed to arrive; he was nervous, but it felt more like excitement rather than crippling anxiety.  
  
At some point he heard a familiar voice behind him.  
  
“Hi, Simon.”  
  
He turned and saw his father standing in front of him with an unreadable expression on his face. Meanwhile Patricia had approached, taking her son arm in arm while looking at her husband.  
  
“Dad?” he gasped, mouth hanging open. He was confused and didn't know what to think “What are you doing here? You said—”  
  
“I know what I said and not that I really...approve all of this, but since your mother said this is the right time...I’ve decided to come.”  
  
“And I'm happy you did, I...thanks, dad.”  
  
“We both love you, Simon, and we want to be there for you today and every day,” Patricia squeezed his arm.  
  
“I love you too, you have no idea how your presence means for me. Especially now that you're here too, dad,” his voice trembled a little, looking at him. He hadn't said much with his usual deadpan tone, but for Simon it was like he had hugged him and now, after his mother kissed his cheek, he couldn't help but smiling as he watched them going to sit next to Emma.  
  
But there was no time to think about his dad, now: Lilette came to tell him that Jeremy was at the park entrance waiting to walk up there and informed the guests that the ceremony was about to start. When everyone was sat or standing under the wooden shelter, Simon walked down the aisle after Lilette, followed by Robbie and Michael (Jeremy's best man). Eventually the string quartet began to play and the guests stood up.  
   
The notes of the Pachelbel's Canon in D Major had been going on for a few minutes already, when Jeremy finally appeared: chest out, standing tall on the right arm of his mother Lisa, he immediately locked eyes with Simon and beamed, making Simon's heart flip and his legs shake.  
  
Jeremy had to restrain himself from running to Simon and kissing him; his heart was racing and speeded up even more when, after what seemed like forever, he finally stood in front of him and Simon kissed his hand. At the touch of his lips, a shaky sigh came out of his mouth.  
  
“I love you,” he mouthed with a huge smile.  
  
“I love you too,” Simon mouthed back. They stayed like this, eye to eye, until the music ended. Then Lilette took the floor.  
  
“You can sit, everyone.” She waited for people to sit and, when everybody fell silent (including the majority of them that hadn’t gotten a seat on the benches),  she resumed talking.  
  
“We are gathered here today to witness and celebrate the union of Simon Saunders and Jeremy Travers in marriage. With love and commitment, they have decided to live their lives together as spouses, growing and nurturing a love that's going to bring you joy and the courage to face the responsibilities of life together.”  
  
The conventional discourse opening was done, Lilette thought. Now it was the turn of her speech. “If there's a thing I know about love, is that, when it's meant to be, nothing can stop it; it may struggle at first, have to overcome obstacles, but it always wins, no matter how hard people try to destroy it or stand in its way. And this is so true for you, Simon and Jeremy: you found each other, you went through pain and bad moments, but what you have is forever. Remember that when difficulties arise, focus on what brought you together in the first place. Always, always keep choosing each other every day, like the first time, like today. Be there for one another, work together and I'm sure happiness will be your companion for the rest of your life. That's my wish for you.” Her voice trembled a little at the last words. She wiped a tear. “I'm sorry,” she laughed and the guests too.  
  
During the whole speech, Simon and Jeremy had been interlocking fingers, now smiling at each other, now looking at Lilette. As a background noise there was Jeremy's mother sniffing and blowing her nose and no matter how many times James told her to stop being a crying mess, she couldn't help it. Jeremy once in a while glanced at her and shook his head a tiny bit. _Mothers_.  
  
Robbie and Michael then handed them out the vows booklets. Simon went first, hoping to not stutter, but without hesitation this time, rather eager to pronounce those words.  
  
He took a deep breath and, smiling wide, he began: “Jeremy, today is the beginning of always: I choose you to be my husband and I vow to love you, honor you, respect you, be faithful to you and stand beside you now and forever, for all the days of my life. You're the other half of me, my soulmate, and I promise you I'll make a beautiful song out of our life together, like the one my heart sings every time I look into your eyes.” He returned the booklet to Robbie and then, hands slightly shaking, he took the ring from the box his best man was holding open and recited by heart, "This ring is a symbol of my promise and, as I place it on your finger, I commit my heart and soul to you.”  
  
He lingered at holding his hand and, before letting it go, he squeezed it. Then he looked up at Jeremy, because he didn't want to miss a word of his vows.  
  
Jeremy cleared his voice. “With all that I am, I take you, Simon, as my spouse, my friend, my partner and my everything. You know I’ve loved you since the first time I saw you and that's what I commit myself to do for the rest of my life. I promise there will never be a day when I won't cherish you, respect you and support you; I'll be yours faithfully, I'll listen to you, I'll comfort you and I'll be your happiness just like I know you're going to be mine.” Michael took the booklet and handed him the ring box. “I give you this ring, a symbol of my love, as I give to you all that I am and accept from you all that you are."  
  
He looked eyes with Simon once again: they were both moved and excited to hear Lilette taking the floor for the declaration. "By the power vested in me by the State of New York, I now pronounce you spouses for life. You may kiss."  
  
“Finally!” Simon exclaimed and while everyone around them clapped and cheered, he cupped Jeremy's face with his hands and kissed him; Jeremy put his hands over Simon's too and, after a first, long one, he kept kissing him with small, quick kisses, whispering _I love you_. They were so ridiculously happy and in love that such kisses were more smiles than lips' touches. Simon was beaming and Jeremy's eyes and nose were crinkling in a cheerful expression.  
  
“Congratulations, I'm so happy for you guys,” Lilette sniffed and the boys parted from each other laughing. She asked Robbie and Michael to come forward to sign the certificate of marriage and then officially introduced Simon and Jeremy as newlyweds to the family and friends.  
  
Once they had walked down the aisle arm in arm, they stopped for the congratulations and then gradually people started heading for the wedding reception at the Loeb Boathouse. After talking to everyone, Jeremy pulled Simon aside to have a little bit of privacy and gently kissed him first on the hand and then on the lips, hands around his neck.  
  
“Can I say that I have the most handsome husband in the world?” Simon bubbled when they parted, head tilted back and dreamy eyes.  
  
“Mmh, I wish I could say the same...mine is quite...meh,” Jeremy playfully complained, before bursting out laughing at the look on Simon's face.  
  
“Meh? So that's how you see me?” And like two kids they started poking and tickling each other, laughing like two idiots in love until the photographer called them to go take some pictures all around Central Park (Alice in Wonderland statue included, of course), first with family and friends and then just the two of them.  
  
“Now let's see who really looks _meh_ on camera, dear husband!” Simon said, before taking a giggling Jeremy by the arm and following the photographer.

 

* * *

  
  
The reception had been going on for few hours now and the atmosphere was bubbling and fun: the flowery decorations hung on the window frames and the ceiling of the Loeb Boathouse room made everything look warm and intimate, theatre-themed centerpieces added a nice Broadway touch, while outside the trees and the garden were shining with white lights as tiny as stars – both Simon and Jeremy adored such decorations and for their wedding of course they had to put them everywhere, no matter how many times Lilette had said: _don't you think it's a little bit too much, guys?_ Or Jolene had told them: _can I come dressed as a Christmas Elf, then?_  
  
A live band was playing as food was served and everyone was cheerfully chatting while eating, including the newlyweds; Jeremy had even tried to feed Simon, but without much success (“Jer, 'c’mon, we're not at home, everyone is looking at us!” “Who cares, we're cute! Especially you.” “No.”).  
  
At some point the music stopped and Gwen's voice spoke from the microphone. “Good evening, everyone! Let's hear it for the band, they're awesome, right? And then for Simon and Jeremy, 'c’mon, let's make some noise!” and everyone cheered even louder.  
  
She waited for them to tone down and then resumed: “Everybody knows I'm the best entertainer, so—” the troupe clapped eagerly, “thank you folks! – so I'm here to sing, because the moment has arrived…are you ready for your first dance, lovebirds?” she asked and with a gesture invited Simon and Jeremy to come forward.  
  
Jeremy glanced at Simon and took him by the hand, “It's about time.” They reached the center of the room and the lights changed. Simon put his hands around Jeremy's neck and closed his eyes, their noses lightly touching and as the music started playing Jeremy held him closer, hands around his waist.  
  
“ _I’ll wear your winter coat,_  
_the one you love to wear_  
_So I keep feeling close_  
_to what’s beyond compare_  
_The moments waking up,_  
_you catch me in your eyes_  
_That beauty on my pillow_  
_that holds me in the night._ ”  
  
Jeremy's eyes were closed too and as they slowly danced to the melody, Simon could feel his eyelashes against his cheeks and this, together with the smell of Jeremy's skin and the warmth of his breath, made him swoon. There were just the two of them, in that moment.  
  
“So...it seems we did it, uh?” Jeremy whispered.  
  
“Yeah...” Simon couldn't hold back a smile. “I love it. I love this and I love you,” his eyes gleamed, gently caressing Jeremy's neck with his fingertips.  
  
“I love you too.” And I belong to you, Jeremy thought.  
  
 “ _And I will find my strength to untape my mouth_  
_When I used to be afraid of the words_  
_But with you I’ve learnt just to let it out_  
_Now my heart is ready to burst_  
_Cause I, I feel like I’m ready for love_  
_And I, wanna be your everything and more._ ”  
  
Simon was now staring at Jeremy, lost in those beautiful blue eyes that had the power to see right through him. “If I think back at when I was afraid of this, of you...it seems almost another life. But now I couldn't live without it. How did you do it? How did you steal my heart?” being love drunk always made him say cheesy things, but he didn't care.  
  
“That's just one of my many talents, you know? I'm enchanting,” he joked and Simon couldn't help but giggle, until Jeremy began gently brushing against his lips, but without kissing him. It drove him crazy.  
  
“And besides you had stolen mine first, so...” Jeremy whispered on his lips.  
  
At the touch Simon felt the thrill all the way to the top of his fingertips. “I'm so glad I did it, then.” And kissed him. He must have been crazy to think this could be wrong.  
  
“ _And if I've be feeling heavy_  
_You take me from the dark_  
_Your arms they keep me steady_  
_So nothing could fall apart._ ”  
  
They fell silent, lost in their world with Gwen's voice in the background. Slow dancing had always been one of their favorite things: losing themselves in the music (real or imaginary), pressing their bodies against each other, close enough to hear their heartbeats, doing nothing except swinging slowly...it felt like being naked, despite being fully dressed. Pure bliss.  
  
“ _And I know every day I say it_  
_But I just want you to be sure_  
_That I am yours._ ”  
  
As the song was ending, Simon rubbed his cheek against Jeremy's. “I'm yours and you are mine...it's so good, you know?”  
  
“It's perfection,” Jeremy breathed before kissing him so sweetly that Simon's heart almost melted and he didn't want to stop, but the music was over, the guests clapped and when Jeremy parted from him, he had to contain himself from snorting. His disappointed look didn't go unnoticed, though.  
  
“I know! But we have plenty of time...a lifetime, actually,” Jeremy whispered in his ear, while Gwen was inviting everyone to the dance floor.  
  
The dancing party began and more friends took the stage to sing something between dances, mostly from musicals. Jolene went first with _Always A Bridesmaid_ from _I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change_ and she was so funny that she got a standing ovation.  
  
Simon had to join Francis in _If You Were Gay_ from _Avenue Q_ and, even though he pretended to be offended by the song choice (“Seriously folks? Are you going to bring this up forever?”), he really wanted to do it and he had so much fun, because with time he had learnt not to take himself too seriously about this. Jeremy laughed his head off.  
  
Of course the grooms had to sing a duet: they picked _I'll Cover You_ from _RENT_ , but they couldn't leave _Word Of Your Body (Reprise)_ from _Spring Awakening_ out; not exactly a classic wedding song, it was theirs and when they sang it too the troupe went wild.  
  
Of their friends Gwen and Francis weren't the only ones who sang; there were also Lilette (a duet with Robbie, _Sun and Moon_ from _Miss Saigon_ ), Harmony ( _Crazy Dreams_ , the Megan Hilty version), Michael ( _Marry Me_ by Train) and Sasha with one of her original songs. One of Simon's castmate sang _Obvious_ , a _Dear Evan Hansen_ cut song that Jeremy liked a lot (and was perfect for another slow dance).  
  
Between songs, dancing and speeches the hours passed and they finally get to the cake cutting moment.  
  
“Aaaaah, the cake is here!” Jeremy squeaked, excited as a kid and then literally dragged Simon to the table where the blue velvet cake they had chosen (mostly because Jeremy literally adored it since he was four) was waiting for them.  
  
“Don't you dare smearing it on my face or I'll kill you!” Simon warned him as if he'd read his mind.  
  
“Me?? I would never do that!”  
  
“Yeah, right. I'm watching you, Jer,” he said, narrowing his eyes.  
  
They joined hands around the cake knife and cut the first slice smiling, while guests clapped and the photographer did his job, as in every other wedding. Simon was about to eat the first bite, when Jeremy, faster than him, got it first and smashed it on his face, laughing.  
  
“Oh, is that so? I warned you.” and then he took another piece of it and did the same on Jeremy's face. He was still cackling at Simon, but he retaliated with what remained of the slice and everything ended up in a mess.  
  
“Look what you've done, it's in my hair even!” Simon said, still laughing while cleaning himself with a napkin.  
  
“It does wonders for your hair and skin.”  
  
“Oh really? Do you think I should add it to my morning routine, then?”  
  
 “Absolutely,” Jeremy nodded serious, finishing to wipe his face, but then his eyes met Simon's and they both started laughing again.     
  
Back at their table, they were waiting for the dessert to be served when Jeremy's phone buzzed inside his pocket. “Oh, it's Shelly. Hello Sh...oh, hi Gladys. WHAT? Okay, I'll be right over...no, no it's fine, don't worry. Bye.”  
  
“Something's wrong?” Simon asked, noticing Jeremy’s change in mood. He had stood up while still on the phone, looking quite shaken.  
  
“It was Shelly's mother, they're at the hospital...it seems my daughter wants to be born today.” He laughed nervously. “I...I have to go, I'm sorry, can you explain it to the guests? I...I have to go, I...a father, can you believe it? It's happening, I...” Jeremy rambled and Simon put a hand on his arm.  
  
“Hey, look at me. There's no way you're going to the hospital alone. I'll come with you. Now tell your parents, I'll talk to Lilette and the others and then we go, okay? We can use my mum's car.”  
  
Jeremy nodded and ran to his parent's table, just as Simon did the same with their friends. That day was full of surprises, indeed.

* * *

 

“You're going to dig a hole in the floor, if you keep walking back and forth that way.”  
  
“What?” Jeremy stopped for a while and looked down at Simon, who was sitting in the waiting room. Without answering he resumed walking, nervously biting his thumbnail – standing still or sitting was impossible and on top of that his mother had already called him five times (“No, mum, there's no need for you to come over here, you make me nervous, I'll call you as soon as I know something.”).  
  
Simon stood up and took him by his shoulders. “Hey. Everything is going to be okay.”  
  
“How do you know? You're not a doctor and we've been waiting here for an hour already and no one bothers to tell us anything!” he shouted the last words and one of the nurses passing by glared at him – as if they weren't already drawing attention for the way they were dressed.  
  
Simon sighed patiently and squeezed his hands. “Calm down...it takes a while for a baby to be born, you know?”  
  
“But it's not that they had just arrived here when they called me, so –”  
  
“How long did _you_ take to be born?”  
  
Jeremy thought about it for a while. “Ten hours, I guess? I just know my mother couldn't take it anymore and James keeps saying it was already a proof of my being a pain in the ass.”  
  
“Then I hope your daughter didn't take from you...” Simon lifted his eyebrows.  
  
Jeremy narrowed his eyes. “What's that supposed to mean? We've been married for few hours and you're already saying I'm a pain in the ass?”  
  
“Only when you're anxious,” he laughed.  
  
He pointed his finger at him, “You -”  
  
“Mr. Travers?”  
  
Jeremy turned and saw a nurse looking at him. “Yes...yes, it's me. What news?”  
  
“Congratulations, your daughter was born and she's fine. Come on, I'll walk you to Miss Williams’ room so you can see her.” She smiled.  
  
“Thank you! Oh my gosh...oh my gosh...she's born, Si...” he wept, laughing at the same time. Simon held him tight, feeling so happy for him.  
  
“Congratulations, Jer! Now go, your daughter is waiting to meet you!” he said crinkling eyes in a smile and then watched him following the nurse. He sat down with a sigh – he was sincerely happy for Jeremy, but, even though he had had the chance to talk to Shelly and apologize (and she had forgiven him), although Jeremy had done his best to include him during the pregnancy, still he couldn't help but feeling a little bit misplaced.  
  
“Hey! What are you doing sitting there? Come with me.”  
  
He looked up and saw Jeremy coming back and taking him by the hand; he still held it when they entered the room and Simon was the one who had to let it go first, because all Jeremy did was standing still and smiling like an idiot. He eventually moved closer to the bed, where a happy, but exhausted Shelly was holding the baby in her arms, wrapped in an orange blanket.  
  
Jeremy picked her up and murmured, his heart racing, “Hi Shiri, I'm your dad...you're beautiful, you know that?” he gently caressed her cheek and she widened her blue eyes, which stood out on her soft mocha skin. She was perfect and he loved her with all his heart already.  
  
“I can't believe I...I made her...” he said, completely mesmerized. “Do you want to hold her, Si?” Simon was still standing on the doorway, arms folded.  
  
“Hold her? Oh..no, no, I don't think –”  
  
“It's okay, Simon. You're Jeremy's husband now, you're going to be in her life, too,” Shelly cut in to reassure him. “But I thought we were already good about this,” she jokingly scolded him.  
  
He finally relaxed. “Yeah, we were...I'm sorry,” and with an open smile he took Shiri in his arms; he couldn't say if it was simply because babies always affected him that way or because she was Jeremy's daughter, but that little bun completely won him over the second he held her in his arms. “She's breathtaking...nice to meet you, Shiri.”  
  
Jeremy was staring at them moved, heart exploding of happiness, because he was sure his daughter was going to love Simon as much as he did.  
  
After a few minutes, Simon gave the baby back to Shelly and they kept chatting for a while, while Jeremy called his mother to give her the news. The conversation reminded everyone that there was a wedding reception still going on, so it was time for the newlyweds to go. But not everyone agreed.  
  
“I think we can stay a little while longer, can we? They have music and food...I'm sure they didn't even notice we left.” Jeremy argued.  
  
“Yeah, of course. A wedding reception without the grooms, I mean who would notice that!” Shelly mocked him. “We are fine, don't worry. And, besides, the doctor is going to throw everyone out shortly anyways, so...” she shrugged. Jeremy didn't really want to go, but he had to admit she had a point about the guests noticing their absence...besides, she looked quite tired and still had to breastfeed the baby. She needed some space.  
  
“Fine,” he sighed. “But I'll come back tomorrow with my family, okay? Goodnight.” He gently caressed Shiri's face and kissed Shelly on her head.  
  
“Goodnight! And congratulations, by the way,” she said.  
  
“Thank you.” Jeremy and Simon chorused and then, after saying goodbye to everyone, they left hand-in-hand.  
  
“Let's going back to our party, _daddy_ ,” Simon joked as they were still walking towards the hospital exit.  
  
“Jerk,” Jeremy laughed. It sounded even better, coming from him.

 

* * *

  
  
Several hours later the party was over and Simon and Jeremy were finally at their apartment – or rather still on the landing, Jeremy with the keys in his hands and Simon holding on to him like a koala, kissing his neck. For some nonsense reason he had had the brilliant idea for them to take a week of abstinence (“It's going to be even more exciting, then, Jer!”) and now that they were finally home, he was literally going crazy. Just as Jeremy, even though he was better at containing himself.  
  
“'C’mon, open this door, Jer...how long does it take?”  
  
“I have something to do first...and you can't look,” he giggled. It was so damn difficult to resist Simon's kisses.  
  
“What?” he snorted as Jeremy blindfolded him with a handkerchief. “Oh, it sounds exciting.”  
  
“It's not like – oh, you'll see. Don't move.”  
  
Simon heard the door opening and closing. Several minutes passed, when finally the door opened again and Jeremy removed the handkerchief. Simon didn't even have the time to realize what he had done inside that Jeremy picked him up and walked into the apartment, as tradition demands.  
  
“What are you doing? Oh...”  
  
Jeremy put him down and Simon finally looked around: there was a trail of rose petals to the bedroom and several freshly-lit scented candles on the coffee table and on the floor. He also spotted the bedroom lit by rows of Christmas lights. The way Jeremy always did his best to impress him warmed his heart.  
  
“Wow...just...wow...it's beautiful! My favorite scented candles, even! But you hate them!”  
  
“True, but I decided to make an exception for tonight. Do you like it?” he took his hands and Simon started fiddling with his fingers, smiling.  
  
“I love it, thank you...you're so sweet.”  
  
The caresses became soft kisses all over his palms and fingers and Jeremy gasped at the look Simon gave him up through the lashes, it was like he wanted to devour him and Jeremy was more than happy to let him do it.  
  
“Seriously, I'll never understand how can you have a thing for scented candles,” he was babbling and he knew it, but he loved to be teased and wanted it to last a little bit longer.     
  
Simon slowly came closer to him, leering. “Do you know what else I have a thing for? Young dads...”  
  
“Oh, do you?” now inches apart, he felt Simon's breath on his neck and a tingle of excitement spread through his whole body at the raspy touch of his lips.  
  
“And you're a kinda hot one,” Simon stared at him, dilated pupils. “So now shut up.” Simon breathed before grabbing him by his hair and kissing him, first slowly and then more and more greedy. Soon their clothes started to drop on the floor and Simon wished to have more than just two hands to touch him and undress him at the same time; Jeremy felt Simon's hands all over him as he was doing the same with Simon.  
  
“Someone is hungry, tonight,” Jeremy whispered between kisses, head over heels.    
  
“I said...shut up.” Simon's tongue found its way into Jeremy's mouth and he moaned, tugging at his hair. He craved him, he wanted more and more, to kiss him, bite him, tickle him, caress him, love him; he wanted to tear their few left clothes off and never leave their bed.  
  
Avidly kissing Simon's neck (and smirking at his groan), Jeremy slowly drove him to the other room. He broke away for a second just to say: “I hope you're not tired, because I won't let you sleep tonight, _husband_.”  
  
“Neither will I.”

* * *

  
_A FEW WEEKS LATER_

 

Simon walked out the stage door looking for his friends, not expecting to be asked for autographs or pictures – he had understudied Evan for the first time that night, but he wasn't famous or anything.    
  
That's why, when he heard people clapping, he didn't think they were actually doing it for him and moved on, looking for Lilette and the others – but they were indeed cheering him; when some of them called him and asked to sign their Playbills, he blushed and got closer to the barriers and began signing, not so sure it was happening for real. It felt so weird!  
  
Signing and chatting he moved along the line and almost at the end of it, signing the last Playbill, he heard someone saying:  
  
“I'll ask for a refund, I wanted to see the principal and not the understudy.”  
  
Simon looked up puzzled and he recognized Jolene fanning with her Playbill, while Sasha, Michael and Lilette were chuckling behind her. Where the hell was Jeremy? He must have been there too, but Simon couldn't see him.  
  
“Poor Simon! Don't listen to her, you've been amazing!” Harmony said, snatching the Playbill out of her hands and beating over her head with it.  
  
“My ears still ache!” Jolene went on, but, when Simon was finally beyond the barrier, she joined the others in a bear hug. Everyone congratulated him and told him he'd been awesome as Evan; Lilette was even moved.  
  
“Thank you! I love you, folks...and Jo, I hope a drink can make you forget my poor performance. It's on me,” Simon laughed as soon as his friends let him go.  
  
“Geez, I hope so.” And they headed towards the nearest bar.  
  
Simon followed them, a little sad because Jeremy clearly had missed the show, since he wasn't with the others. But he had just taken few steps when someone grabbed him by his arm.  
  
“Excuse me, can I have a kiss from the most terrific Evan Hansen I've ever seen? I think I fell in love with him.”  
  
Simon beamed. “Jeremy! Where were you? I didn't see you behind the barriers. I thought you had missed the show.”  
  
“Missing you as Evan? No fucking way! I waited aside, I didn't want to share you with the others,” he rubbed his nose on Simon's. “So? Where's my kiss?”  
  
Simon cocked his head. “Mmhh...I don't know if I can...I'm married and I'm not sure how my husband's going to take it, if he finds out I kiss my fans in the middle of the street.”  
  
“We won't tell him,” Jeremy said with a subtle wink and as a big smile appeared on Simon's lips, he leaned in and kissed him.  
  
“Hey, Evan! I'm going to break your other arm if you don't move your ass!” Jolene shouted from afar.  
  
Simon parted from Jeremy and rolled his eyes. “Coming!” and arm in arm with his husband he joined their friends who had stopped a few meters ahead waiting for them and all together they started walking again.  
  
He turned to Jeremy and squeezed his arm. “This is amazing, isn't it? Our dreams come true, our life together. All of it.”  
  
Jeremy cuddled up to him. “I wouldn't change a thing,” he smiled and kissed him quickly. “I love you, Simon Saunders, you know that?”  
  
“I love you too, Jeremy Travers.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This last chapter is longer than usual, but I can't believe I'm at the end of this! I never thought to be able to write a multichapter fanfiction and yet, here I am. It's been an amazing journey for me and I hope it brought you joy as it did to me. Thank you so much for staying with me, for reading and leaving comments, for leaving kudos and liking my Tumblr posts about it; you made my day! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU ❤️
> 
> I love Rise and Siremy so much it hurts and as long as I can find ways to write about them or make fanarts, I'll do it. They're a piece of my heart.
> 
> PS: I picked Jeremy's daughter name, Shiri, because of its meaning: _song of my soul_. 
> 
> PPS: I made a **Spotify playlist with all the songs** , except for one, **that inspired the fic or appear in it**. You can find it **[HERE](https://open.spotify.com/user/clephar/playlist/1P7ZHoUuJJySFof9gvtLYq?si=58zTXZ02TnaS0rNxSfkTsA)**. 
> 
> Last but not least I decided to make a sort of "moodboard" of the wedding, so you can have an idea at the way I imagined this day. You can find it [on my Tumblr as well](https://sheireen.tumblr.com/post/182716502398/chapter-10-the-fanfiction-is-completed), if you want to share 😊
> 
>  
> 
> [](https://gifyu.com/image/wOqP)  
>   
> 


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